Midnight Thoughts

My Only Regret

You played with my emotions for so long.

Why didn't I let you go when I didn't feel anything for you

Why did I wait until I knew I would meet pain?

I told myself it was nothing

I told myself I was fine

When all this time, I'd been living a lie.

You said "hello" like it wouldn't be the last

But you said "goodbye" way too fast.

Your words calmed me down when my life was going down in spirals

But your words were also the knives that were cutting me up inside.

You started hurting me with just a "hello" and completely killed me with every "goodbye"

You made me think I was going insane for awhile

"Send me nudes, I won't show"

"I like you back"

"I won't hurt you ever again"

"You're beautiful to me"

"You're pretty"

"You're gorgeous"

Was I really all these things when you left me wondering "what if" or "what could have been"?

Why did you lie to me?

How come every word you told me was a lie?

Don't you realize what you've done?

Don't you realize what you did to me?

You made me happy

You made me feel free

You also made me feel trapped beyond belief

I trusted you

That was my own mistake

I said I was fine

That was a lie

I said it was nothing when I saw you with her

I lied

Even the most saint-like ones lie at the most convenient times.

You hurt me with every "hello" as if it was the first

You kill me with every "goodbye" as if it was exactly like the last

My heart is my own

You can no longer have it

I'm closing myself off from you

You lost the chance you never knew you had

I'm sorry

I don't like you anymore

You don't have my trust

We can never go back to how it was before

You screwed that up yourself

But if we have to part ways,

You should know,

That every "hello" hurt like a slap in the face

And every "goodbye" kills me like a knife through my chest

But I let you get too close to me

Too personal

And that is my only regret.

My Only Regret 7/22/19 00:06