The White Tulip (Symbolism Of My Feelings)

She's Gone

Honey

When my head cleared and my stomach calmed, I opened my eyes again to find Krystal staggering back toward the wall, clutching her chest, and staring accusingly.

"Myungsoo!" she wailed, looking right past me. "Don't let her do this to me, to us."

I turned, to see him standing beside me, gazing at Krystal and shaking his head.

"It's too late." He said, taking my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. "It's time for you to go, Poverina."

"Don't call me that!" She retorted, her once amazing brown eyes now blurred by red. "You know how I hate that!"

"I know." He replied, squeezing my fingers as she shriveled and aged then faded from our sight, a black silk dress and designer shoes - the only evidence she ever existed.

"How-" I turned to L, searching for answers.

But he just smiled, and said, "It's over. Absolutely, completely, eternally over." He pulled me into his arms, covering my face in a trail of warm wonderful kisses, promising. "She'll never bother us again."

"Did I kill her?" I asked, not quite sure how I felt about that, despite what she had done to my family, and all the times she claimed to have killed me.

He nodded. I couldn't still believe it.

"But how? I mean, if she's immortal, then wasn't I supposed to cut off her head?"

He shook his head and laughed. "What kind of books are you reading?" Then his face became very serious. "It doesn't work like that. There's no beheading, no wooden stakes, no silver bullets, it all comes down to the simple fact that revenge weakens and love strengthens. Somehow you managed to hit Krystal right in her most vulnerable spot."

I squinted, not quite understanding. "I hardly touched her," I informed, remembering how my fist met her chest, but just barely.

"The fourth chakra was your target. And you hit the bull's eye."

Huh?

"The body has seven chakras. The fourth chakra, or heart chakra as it's sometimes called, is the center of unconditional love, compassion, the higher self, all of the things Krystal was lacking. And that left her defenseless, weakened. Honey, her lack of love is what killed her."

"But if she was so vulnerable, why didn't she guard it, protect it?"

"She was unaware, deluded, led by her ego. Krystal never realized how dark she'd become, how resentful, how hateful, how possessive."

"And if you knew all that, why didn't you tell me before?"

He shrugged. "It was just a theory I had. I've never killed an immortal, so I wasn't sure if it would work. Until now."

"You mean there are others? Krystal's not the only one?"

Myungsoo opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it firmly. And when I looked into his eyes I saw a flash of regret, remorse? But just as quickly, it's gone.

"She said some things about you, and your past."

"Honey." He called me. "Honey, look at me." He tilted my chin until I finally did. "I've been around a long time."

"I'll say, six hundred years!"

He cringed. "Give or take. The point is, I've seen a few things, done a few things, and my life hasn't always been so good or so pure. In fact, most of it's been quite the opposite." I started to pull away, not sure if I was ready to hear this, but he pulled me back to him. "Trust me, you're ready to hear this because the truth is I'm not a murderer, I'm also not evil. I just..." He paused.

"I just enjoyed a taste for the good life. And yet, every time I met you, I was willing to throw it all away, just to be near you."

I yanked free, this time successfully. Thinking: Oh geez! Oh no!

Classic case of a boy losing a girl, only this time it's over and over again, spanning the centuries, each time ending before they can do the deed. No wonder he's interested; I'm the one who keeps getting away! I'm like a living, breathing, forbidden fruit! Does this mean I have to remain a virgin for eternity? Disappear every few years just to keep his interest? I mean, now that we're stuck with each other for all of the eternity, the moment the deed is done he'll be looking to enjoy the "good life" again.

"Stuck with me? That's how you see it? As though you'll be stuck with me, for all of the eternity?" And the way he gazed at me I couldn't tell if he's amused or offended.

My cheeks burnt, having temporarily forgotten that my thoughts are not at all private where he's concerned. "No, I-I was afraid you'd feel that way about me. I mean, it's classic love story fodder, the one who got away, again and again, and again! No wonder you've remained so entranced! It had nothing to do with me! You've spent six hundred years trying to get in my pants!"

"Petticoats, pantaloons, trust me, pants didn't come into fashion until much, much later." Myungsoo pulls me to him. "Honey, it has everything to do with you. And if you don't mind my saying, it's been my experience that the best way to deal with eternity is by living it one day at a time."

He kissed me, but only briefly, before he shifted his body and started to pull away, but I grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him back to me. "Don't go," I whispered, gazing at him. "Please don't ever leave me again."

"Not even to get you some water?" He smiled.

"Not even for water," I told him, my hands exploring his face, his incredibly beautiful face. "I-" The words halted in my throat.

"Yes?" He grinned.

"I missed you." I finally managed.

"And so I did." He leaned in, pressing his lips to my forehead, then quickly pulling away.

"What?" I said, seeing the way he's looking at me, his smile spread wide and warming his face. Then I slid my fingers under my bangs and gasped when I realize my scar's disappeared.

"Forgiveness is healing." He beamed. "Especially forgiving yourself."

I gazed at him, looking right into his eyes, knowing there's something more to say, but not sure I could go through with it. So I closed my eyes instead, thinking that if he could read my mind then I shouldn't have to say the words out loud.

But he just laughed. "It's always better when it's spoken."

"But I've already said it, that's why you came back, right? I thought you would've come sooner. I mean it would've been nice to have had some help."

"I heard you. And I would've come even sooner, but I needed to know you were truly ready." He gave me one of his affectionate smiles. "You did the right thing."

"So, you almost let me die in there because you wanted to be sure?"

He shook his head. "I never would've let you die. Not this time."

"And Krystal?"

"I underestimated her, I had no idea."

"You can't read each other's thoughts?"

He gazed at me, smoothing his thumb against my cheek. "We learned how to cloak them from each other long ago."

"Will you show me how to cloak mine?"

He smiled. "In time I'll teach you everything, I promise. But Honey, you need to know what all of this really means. You'll never be with your family again. You'll never cross that bridge. You need to know what you're getting yourself into." He held my chin and looked into my eyes.

"But I can always, sort of, just, drop out, right? You know; give up? Like you said?"

He shook his head. "It becomes much harder once you get used to being immortal."

I looked at him, knowing it's a lot to give up, but figuring there's got to be some way around it. In the meantime, if eternity started today, then that's the way I was going to live it. For this day, and this day only. Knowing that L will always be by my side. I mean, always, right?

Myungsoo looked at me, waiting. "I love you," I whispered.

"And I love you." He smiled, his lips seeking mine. "Always have. Always will."