The White Tulip (Symbolism Of My Feelings)

The Night Of Suzy's 'Meeting' (Part Two)

Honey

''I like L-oppa.'' Were Suzy's words when I arrived at the bakery.

I think you already know my reaction. If not, imagine a poker face as I was frozen in my spot. Not only I felt uncomfortable by the news but I was utterly shocked my best girl friend developed feelings for him. I thought she was just having a crush on L, the Infinite member considered as the face of their group. I didn't predict this to happen and I couldn't feel anything but sadness and discouragement at the same time.

I faked a smile. ''You like him?'' I said after a few minutes.

''Yeah, I do.'' Seriousness was all over her face but she looked calm at the same time.

''I don't know what to say... except... Great!'' People in the bakery heard me shouting and I started to apologize for that. I was shocked at my action. Why did I do that? Is it because I wanted to hide my feelings towards L? Because I was also head over heels in love with him?

Hold on a minute... Did I just say that I like him, too? No way. Am I in love with him or not? My mind is going crazy. I don't know anymore. I can't tell that to Suzy. Not when I found out she's liking the same person I am.

''Thanks, I guess.'' She blushed and hugged me tightly.

''Suzy... I C-CAN'T-T-T B-BREAT-T-TH.'' I hardly told her and she immediately let me go.

''Oh, right. It's just... I'm so happy I could share you my feelings.'' She gazed at the ceiling dreaming.

''But let's be clear. By ''like'', you mean... in a romantic way or...'' I just wanted to make sure, you know...

''Of course, it's in ''that'' way, stupid.'' She slapped my shoulder. ''If it was in another meaning then I shouldn't have called you.''

''Does Sungjong know?''

She stood there quiet. ''Yeah, about that... he knew it before you... a long time ago.'' She tapped her fingernails to each other quickly while glancing elsewhere.

''WHAT?!'' People again were staring at me and I apologized for the noise. ''How could you? You told him first but me - later. Couldn't you tell me and Sungjong at the same time?'' On the other hand, I was also at fault for not confessing to her. A feeling of guilty conscience swam through my body.

''Well, I know Sungjong before you transferred to our school so...''

''Here's your meal~.'' Sungjong put the creme- filled bread on the table while chirping. I stared at him for a while. He gave me a confused look.

''Why the long face?'' Sungjong asked.

''Why didn't you tell me that Suzy liked L?!'' I didn't see anyone except us in the bakery so I didn't have to apologize for the third time. But, on second thought, I may have driven out the customers. At least, the three of us can have a proper chat with each other.

The boy automatically turned to his other friend. ''She told me not to tell you.'' Sungjong glared at Suzy.

''Guys, guys.'' Suzy came between us and patted our shoulders. ''Everything's under control now so why are you mad?'' She took a glimpse of the small hot bread. ''Honey, your food will get cold, so eat it.''

''You're not my big sister to tell me what to do.'' But I still ate my bread with vanilla and strawberry cream. How could I resist this yummy dish? Sungjong was a brilliant cook and I always praised him for his efforts in baking.

''Sungjong, you're going to stay here a bit more or-''

''Well, I'm done with my work so I can go home.''

''Finished,'' I informed them proudly and took a napkin from the holder to wipe my mouth.

''That was fast...'' His jaw dropped and he blinked a few times. ''I'll go change.'' He showed the dressing room.

''OK.'' Suzy happily replied then she turned to me after he closed the door. ''Woman, how could you eat that fast?''

''It was delicious.'' I pouted like a four-year-old child.

''Delicious or not, you shouldn't eat hurriedly. If you were choking on your food bad, who would help you? I can't do CPR. I don't know about Sungjong but still...'' Suzy went into a crazy mode: too worried about things for nothing.

''You really are acting like you're my older sister. I am alright...'' I comforted her and she stopped moving around.

We sat quiet and neither of us dared to say something... When was Suzy going to confess?

''Say,'' I called her. She shifted her gaze towards me from the darkness outdoors. ''Will you confess to L?''

''I don't know.'' She shrugged her shoulders. ''I want him to know my feelings but I'm worried and scared that he'll reject me.''

''Whatever your decision is, I'll be with you.'' I tapped her shoulder and showed her my smile. I hoped she had bought my fake facade. It was very difficult for me to hide my emotions which were exploding in my entire organism. I feared that when Suzy tells how she feels towards him, he might return her feelings. It's not like I had any chance to commit myself to a non-existent relationship but I just thought that there was hope somewhere inside me which encouraged me to take a shot and see if L was on the same ground as I was.

''I am so happy that you support me.'' She said quietly.

''You guys, ready?'' Sungjong jumped towards us. We nodded and stood up from our seats. He turned to the rest of the staff and bowed. ''Thank you for your hard work. Goodbye, everyone. ''

Suzy and I did the same and the staff bid us goodbye in return. We went out of that dreamy bakery and I noticed that it stopped raining. At last, I didn't have to worry much about my way home.

''The food was delicious as always.'' I rubbed my stomach.

Sungjong's lips curled into a smile. ''You don't need to tell me that all the time. So, what did you two talk about when I was in the dressing room?''

''Girl stuff. We won't tell you anyway.'' Suzy facetiously told him.

''Why? You told him your secret, so why shouldn't I?'' I protested which made Catfish giggle.

Suzy glared at me but not in a serious manner... or was it? ''Kim Honey. You'd better not say anything or else...''

''I'm not afraid of you.'' I stuck out my tongue.

''Girls.'' It looked like Sungjong was talking to himself more than us. Suzy and I argued playfully for quite a while. Until we saw a parking lot with many taxis. The drivers were in their cars doing their business.

''I should go now. A goodbye hug?'' I expanded my arms. We hugged each other and I went into one of the cabs. Gladly, it was a woman. We all know from our parents or other people or sources that at night it is dangerous; violence is all around the world and you don't know when a stranger danger can pop out.

''Welcome.'' She greeted me with tiredness.

''Hello. XXX Street, if you like.''

The driving was somehow slow and silent. Usually, I'm very excited to meet Mr.Park (the taxi driver in my neighborhood) since I could talk with him but now I felt like the time had stopped as if I was in a strange universe. The driver didn't talk at all. She just drove while looking at the path and from time to time she would yawn continuously. I felt a bit of sympathy for the woman. Working night shift can be stressful, tiring and unsafe. Although, maybe she didn't have a choice but work at night instead of daytime.

I paid the driver and closed shut the vehicle's door. No lights were turned on. That meant that auntie is sleeping. I changed my clothes, wore pajamas, brushed my teeth and climbed my soft bed. Totally exhausted and sleepy, I turned off the lights of my room and started thinking. Soon will be Halloween, my dress is done, only the makeup and the hairstyle left to be prepared. The thirty-first of October would be a great day, right?