The White Tulip (Symbolism Of My Feelings)

Bonus Chapter One: May I love You More?

Honey

''Look at Ringo Starr!'' L handed me a small black-and-white picture. I took it to see a Caucasian man with a weird-looking clear-brownish mushroom hair. He pulled a bizarre face - the irises of both eyes meeting one another and a tongue sticking out from his wide thin-lipped mouth. ''He's the clown of the group. We five would make jokes and pranks but Starr's facial expressions were utterly priceless!''

I began giggling at the hilarious photo. The British reminded me of a cartoon animal hit by a dull object on the head. I could imagine a circle of stars dancing joyfully around his head. I'm not fully aware of 'The Beatles' (the only thing I knew was it's a British band). I didn't have any interest in those four men in silly suits. They were big, you know. Girls were dying to see them. L informed me once. But it still didn't make me like them. I couldn't comprehend why girls in those times were swooning over those mushrooms.

Myungsoo-oppa followed me and continued taking out old pictures.

We were located in L's mansion. I convinced him to let me appear there. My boyfriend was quite stubborn for a while until one day he accepted my demand and told me further that he needed to do something before I could pay his house a visit. I understood what actually happened after I popped in front of the accommodation's entrance. I made up all scenarios of what his deed might be. But I never considered he would bring some light into the house. It was barely recognizable.

All windows were unsealed; the furniture left no trace of dust; the atmosphere was very cozy and warm in contrast to the wind outdoors. As if

The weather forecast promised enormous dark gray clouds and temporary rain upon Seoul. Having nothing to do outside, we came to his room and examined outdated items L has collected. He introduced his 'old buddies' to me. I certainly didn't remember all their names but seeing his eyes sparkling excitedly as he shows his recorded memories captured in those images I could not deny that I felt happy.

''Let's have a break,'' L announced as he stretched his arms. ''My eyes became tired of peering.''

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans to prevent them from the chilly air in his room. The place was especially cold than the rest. L told me he liked his room to be freezing because he couldn't stand the warmness and that's why he spends most of the time there. Even when he yearned for meals, he would hurriedly cook something and bring it upstairs. I would never understand this habit of his, but I suppose I should get used to it.

I felt a thin thing made of paper inside the right pocket. After that, I realized that I have stuffed the picture of the girl I held when I exited his house a while ago and I hadn't returned it yet. After taking a glimpse of it, I decided to give him back.

''Oppa.'' I started. The word 'oppa' didn't burden me anymore. I pronounced it like it was a common word. And that may be the reason why Myungsoo-oppa was smiling so much recently. ''I accidentally took this picture of Krystal. Here.''

I recalled the moment when his ex-best friend told me the woman was herself. Though I shouldn't. She's in the past now and if I think of her more, her presence would linger in my mind unbearably.

''Krystal?''

''Yeah... Or at least that's what she announced.''

L stared at the image for a minute, after that he faintly and unexpectedly smiled.

''Oh, no. This isn't her.''

I felt relieved as I heard it wasn't his horrible girl friend standing with her back facing us. I sighed in content, knowing that he truly didn't have any feelings towards that horrible character.