South Africa
January 2017
Thirdy is on the way now to pick up Bei. He's all dolled up. He prepared a lot of food and if hindi nila maubos ni Bei, he'll pack the food for Bea's colleagues.
He's been practicing a script for Bea. He's unsure how this date will go, but it is time to be brave. Bea is just wearing pants and a tank top.
"Hindi man lang magayos tong baklang to," Zel said when she saw her.
"Why pa? He'll leave din naman."
"Excuse you. Ikaw pa mangiwan don."
"Kahit his flight will be later at 3pm?"
"Aysus, you see? All you do is push him away and then you'll say that just because the guy is leaving. Halos iwan non yung ginagawa niya sa Pinas to see you."
"Did I ask him to choose me?"
"No, but still, he chose you."
Hindi na nagsalita si Bei because Thirdy texted na nandon na siya.
"Hello," Thirdy greeted her.
"Hi. I'm famished."
"Hello, Famished!"
Bea rolled her eyes and Thirdy drove back to his place.
Thirdy prepared Smoked Salmon Egg Stuffed Avocados, Crab Melts, and Seafood Fried Rice.
When Bea saw all the dishes, her eyes twinkled.
They were both enjoying their food but Thirdy broke the silence.
"Uhm, Beatriz."
"Yes?"
"Stop pushing me away. I won't go anywhere."
"Thirdy, stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Making so much effort for me."
"Why?" he asked. "Never mind. Finish your food, then let's talk about it while I wash the dishes later."
After eating, Thirdy fetched her plate and went straight to the sink. Both of them could feel the tension, the pain in the silence.
Bea followed Thirdy and said,
"You're the only person I ghosted who came running back to me."
Thirdy faced her.
"Because I love you."
"But Thirdy, I don't want you to."
"Give me an explanation, at least, because I don't understand," Thirdy said while his eyes started to water.
"Because I don't like it when I have the ability to hurt someone. I don't like that you are so attached to me, that you followed me here. I don't want you to love me because loving me is allowing me to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you." Bea is tearing up as well.
"But why? You can hurt me all you want, Angel. You own my heart. Break it or fix it, I don't care. It is all yours."
Thirdy went near her and tried to hug her, but she pushed him away.
"Hatid mo na ko sa clinic," she said while wiping her tears.
"But Bea..."
"Please."
She looked into his eyes so Thirdy could see how helpless she was. How much she seriously wanted him to go away.
Thirdy picked up his keys and their leftovers to bring to Zel and Cath. Bea followed him palabas ng house. The whole car ride was quiet.
"Bea," he called her bago siya bumaba ng sasakyan.
She looked at him.
"I'll accept anything that you can offer. I'm okay even if you always fly away, as long as at the end of the day, you'll come home to me."
Thirdy's tears started falling again.
She opened the car door.
"I'll always wait for your answer, Angel."
And he watched her walk away.
Bea went to the quarters crying. Zel stared at her.
"Hulaan ko? You ghosted him."
"He loves me." And she cried louder.
"Bitch, oo!"
"Pero I pushed him away."
"Bitch, tanga ka."
"I know." And Bea cried even more.
Zel checked her watch. "Ayaw mo na ba habulin?"
"I can't."
"Why? Lumpo ka ba?"
"What's lumpo?" Bea asked.
"Hay nako. Tinuro ko yon sayo."
"You know that I don't want to commit. You know that I don't like being so attached. You know that he's the only one who made me feel that ghosting is a sin. You know that flying away from people is my life. You know I can't allow him into my messy world because he'll be hurt."
"But I also do know you love him, Isabel Beatriz!"
"I do," Bea admitted.
"See?"
"But still, Zel. I cannot do that. I don't want someone to be waiting for me because I know myself. Sometimes, I don't come back."
"Eh why are you still crying if you know yourself that way?"
"Because for the first time, I feel like pushing him away will haunt me wherever I go."
"Alam mo, bakla, ang gulo mo. Antayin na lang kitang tumandang dalaga. Kakain kami ni Cathleen sa Chinese resto na gusto ko. Umiyak ka na dyan."
"Thirdy gave the paper bag for the both of you."
"Okay, dalin na lang namin don. Craving for dumplings eh."
"Okay, bye."
"Cry it out, or pwede din naman na sundan mo sa airport. Malaki ka na, Beatriz. You know who to keep and dispose. Sana lang you'll make the right choice."
Love will not taste the way it should if you don't follow the recipe. Let's put it this way: you are the cook, and your heart holds the recipe. Not following what it says might leave you with regrets, not only because the ingredients will go to waste, but because all the effort you put into creating something beautiful might end up being for nothing.
