Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

23

Lila Hamilton
-Carmen and Eli's place

Shawn stayed with me till Carmen came, he was making sure I got somewhere safe. He didn't ask any questions, didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

I fell into a state panic when his lips touched my skin and how he was grasping onto me. It absolutely terrified me that I could let him do that whilst I was in a relationship but it also made me a little upset that Shawn could do that whilst knowing I'm with Jasper. However, I could not deny that those few seconds had me completely relaxed.

But then I remembered the reality of it all. Shawn is probably filled with all sorts of emotions and isn't thinking straight. Also what would I tell Jasper about today, do I need to tell him?

Then I put myself in his shoes. If he had been kissed by another girl my heart would break.

Terrified wasn't even the word. I was waiting at Carmen's for Jasper for pick me up. His reaction and unthinkable actions were playing on my mind.

"Oh god what happened" Jasper bursts in, he rushes past Eli and straight to me. I get up slowly and my hold my breath when his arms wrap around me, I flinch a little when his hands touch my back.

"I'm fine" I whisper. He pulls back and cups my cheeks. "Good" he places a kiss beside my lips and I'm so glad his lips don't come in contact with mine. As he pulls back I see Carmen eyeing me out. I swear the girl is like my soulmate as a friend. We're so connected.

"Lila, I have that stuff for you in my room. Do you wanna just grab it?" Carmen asks me. "Oh right, Yeah" I nod slipping past Jasper. He quickly tugs my hands back making me jump a little. "Be quick" he tells me.

I gulp and slowly nod. Then he lets me go. I follow Carmen to my room and she shuts the door.

"Okay, Lila, I'm worried for you. I really am-"

"Why? I'm fine Carmen" I sigh. She shakes her head as she paces around the room.

"No you're not. Lila, I saw you flinch, I saw the look on your eyes when he almost kissed you, I swear I felt the cold when he touched your back... just say it Lila. Tell me and I'll do anything to help" she stops right in front of me and grasps my hands.

I blink a few times, my heart getting heavy.

"And don't give me that bullshit. I hate even say this because I hate that this is happening to you but you had two panic attacks Lila, you ended up in hospital and then ended up on the floor in Shawn's arms almost scared to take a breath" she says quietly. "We used to tell each other everything" her voice filled with hurt. It clicked to me that I was hurting those around me, I couldn't be this sad, pain filled girl.

"And I'm telling you Carmen, I'm fine" I squeeze her hands gently.

She lets out a sigh and simply pulls me into a hug. "I'm here for you. Don't think you're bothering me b-because I really do care" her voice breaks a little.

"I care about you too" I whisper. I then pull back and wipe her tears. "I'm fine, I really am. They're just a few down days, that's all"

She nods gently then goes to her wardrobe grabbing a few bits. Then she hands me the clothes. "Just to make the lie a little believable" she says. I nod then turn around walking out the door.

"All good?" Eli asks Carmen going straight up to her. "Yeah babe" she nods.

"Are you sure?" He asks her again. His time she nods pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Come on let's go" Jasper takes my hand tugging me away. "Bye guys!" Carmen exclaims.

I give her a quick smile before Jasper tugs me out the door.
-
"You want some?" Jasper asks me. I shake my head no at the offer of a glass of whiskey. We were at my apartment and turns out what he had planned was a movie and just relaxing time which I wasn't bothered about to be honest.

He sits beside me throwing his left arm around my shoulder and he pulls me so I'm right up against him. The smell of his alcohol breath literally brushing against me.

"You know what?"

I hum in response trying to keep my eyes on the screen. "Let's just go to bed" he hops up.

"You don't want to finish the movie?" I ask pausing it. "Not really-"

"I'll stay down till it finishes then I'll come up" I tell him but instead he moves the blanket from me. "Come on" he puts his hand out. I huff putting my hands in his. I thought he was going to walk away but he grabs the brown coloured alcohol and he chugs most of it down then he puts it back. Then he's dragging me to my room.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" I mutter letting go off him. I quickly grab my clothes and escape to the bathroom. I really take my time with my night routine then I finally put my pyjamas on; a long sleeved white tee and long pants that had donuts all over them. It was so cold that I even put a hoodie over it.

"Hurry!" Jasper groans. I walk out the bathroom to see him shirtless in my bed, his arms spread out even going over my side.

"Come on babe"

"Give me a minute" I mumble walking around the bed and I slip in beside him but not too close. I was hoping he'd keep his distance but why would that happen, he moves closer to me, spooning my body into his. His front pressing against me.

"You're so beautiful" he whispers. "Go to sleep J" I tell him quietly. "Not in the mood to sleep really" he chuckles lightly and his hands goes down my arm and to my stomach, holding me extremely close.

My head goes hot. My eyes literally burning. My lip throbbing at how hard I was biting down.

"You're mine right? My girl" he mumbles. His lips finding my neck.

For a second I swear I feel Shawn's lips on me but then my mind flips, I could never compare Shawn to Jasper.

"Mine, Hmm Lila?" He whispers coldly against my skin. I couldn't find it in me to respond.

"Lila?" His teeth nip my skin and I shiver in fright. "Yes, yeah yours" I whisper. I clench my eyes shut when his hands goes further down. "I can't believe we haven't touched yet. You're fucking irresistible" he groans pushing against me harder.

His cold fingers toying with the waistband of my pants. My heart was beating out of my chest. I didn't want this but I couldn't speak up, as if a demon had stitched my mouth shut.

Then I let out a small whimper when his fingers move further down.

"Stop" I burst out. "Really?" He asks as he continues his assault on my neck. "Stop" I repeat. I quickly grab his wrist shoving him away.

"You're fucking boring" he hisses pulling away completely and I find myself panting for air. "As your boyfriend you should want me, you bitch" he scoffs getting up. I sit up facing him.

"Why the fuck are you crying for?" His face red with anger. I gulp wiping away my tears in a hurry. My hands shaking so bad.

"You're so fucking ugly and stuck up" his venom hits me again and again. "I'm sleeping on the sofa" he mumbles under his breath as he walks out and slams the door shut.

I wait for the noise to die down then I sit up in my bed. My head leaning back against the headboard. My eyes stuck on the door in case he'd walk in again and it was like that all night.