Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

80

Shawn Mendes
-a week later (December 7th)

"It's not getting any better" Andrew sighs, sitting on the sofa in the hotel room I had been staying at.

"What's everyone saying now?" I flop back on my bed, looking up at the absurd patterns on the ceiling.

"Well according to everyone you're now single and leaving Lila. Everyone's saying you're happier without her where as, well she's suffering. These pictures of her are awful, she's just trying to shop and she burst into tears with everyone surrounding her like a pack of wolves-"

"Are people blaming me?" I ask nervously.

"No, they're saying she deserves it" Andrew says sadly and I swear to god my heart shatters. "And?" I ask.

"Well she's getting slammed left, right and centre for being a bad mother. People are commenting on how she looks and there's rumours that she fired some guy who was helping her with the studio" Andrew explains. "Shawn? Buddy look at me"

I sit up, feeling my stomach churn at all this horribleness.

Andrew clears his throat before he starts speaking, "remember the first time you took her to LA? Everyone thought she was pregnant and they were calling her all these horrible things. Remember how she'd throw up, she'd cry in the night and not sleep... she's doing that now, except she's alone with a baby, your baby and she's facing twice as much from before" Andrews words slap me with reality. "People are calling her a bad mother, there's rumours that your now single and leaving her and with her anxiety, with all that she's gone through-"

"She doesn't- doesn't deserve any of it" my throat tightens when I picture Lila so distressed and unable to cope.

"W-what do I do Andrew? She probably hates me" I hiccup a cry, even though I had no right to cry. I'm fucking hurting the woman I love.

"Go home" Andrew gives me a look of sympathy.
-

I drag my luggage beside me, I'd never been so petrified to enter my home.

I know I messed up. I knew but I let my pride and ego get in the way of love. I let her believe I don't love her and that I'm with another woman when I've never laid eyes on someone else since I met her. I know she has anxiety and I worsened it by letting my big head get in the way of us. I know I trust her yet I added fuel to the small flames.

She doesn't deserve any of that.

Now, as I enter my key to the hole and twist it, I feel tingles run up skin. I turn the handle and push open the door.

It was quiet, no noise to be heard. It was clean, I knew she probably spent hours cleaning just to take her mind off of me. Then I noticed a few extra pictures had been put on our stand in the living room, one of just haven in his adorable dinosaur onesie, another of Lila kissing Haven who had his mouth wide open and lastly one of me and Haven sleeping on the sofa.

I drop my luggage and pick up the photo of Lila and haven. They were literally my world and I couldn't believe I had hurt her, hurt them both by leaving her and letting her face all of this alone.

Tears roll down my cheeks, fraying down to my chin that then drop to the frame.

Then, I hear the door open. I put the frame down making my way to the door. Lila doesn't notice me at first.

My god, she looked perfect. Her curly hair put messily in a low bun, she wore my red hoodie, loose around her body with baggy black sweats.

She turns around, sniffling as she picks up Haven from the stroller. She was lost in her own little bubble, keeping her head down in her own home.

"Lila" I call her, merely a whisper.

"Hmm?" Her pretty, saddened eyes glance at me. Was she that lost that she didn't even comprehend I was home?

I go to step forward but she makes her way towards me, lifting haven in her arms. "You wanna go to daddy?" She coos.

A state of confusion consumes me. She wasn't acknowledging the fact I was home.

"Here" She hands me my baby boy. "He's better now, it was just a cold" her voice much more quiet and less peppier than normal. I take haven in my arms, yet I couldn't take my eyes away from Lila.

"I'm gonna erm shower, do you need anything?" She asks, her eyes fixated on haven as she moves his blanket away from his mouth. I shake my head no, gulping because I was so damn confused to what was going on. It's like I had come home to another person.

"Okay. I'm gonna go" she turns on her heel leaving me with haven.

That was weird. It's like she wasn't even here.
-

I stayed in the bedroom waiting for Lila to leave the bathroom. I heard the taps running, I'm sure of it but then she came out in the same clothes and her hair was dry. However, I didn't question it I let her walk past and leave the room silently.

Now she's sat beside me, well a space between us, haven in her lap making small tired noises as the tv played an episode of The Crown.

I grab the remote pausing the show and she just dismisses it, usually she'd complain about me doing that but now she's silent.

"How was it here?" I ask her, in hopes she'd open up to me. "Fine. How was LA? What did you do?" She asks me, without looking at me once.

"I missed you" I tell her inching closer, "I went to a few parties, went to the studio twice but I missed you and Haven" I go to touch her arm but she flinches away from me.

"Sorry" I move back. Now I'm having to apologise for wanting to hold her.

"Can you play it?" She asks, I nod grabbing the remote. I press play then just watch as she gives all her attention to the tv and Haven.

It felt like I had truly lost her.