Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

82

Lila Hamilton

It's been more than ten minutes, I'm still here sobbing into Shawn's arms. My lips unable to stop quivering, we're on the floor and I'm holding onto him so tightly, my hands not wanting to unclench his shirt and my head weighed down to lean against his chest.

He then speaks up, "baby, I'm right here"

I hum to acknowledge him but I didn't want to speak. I felt as if I couldn't.

"Look at me darling" his warm hands encapsulate my face, lifting my head up so my sore eyes were on his pretty eyes. "Focus on breathing. Slowly, in and out" his calm voice, the motions the pads of his thumbs were making on my heated skin made me feel somewhat comfortable.

"Keep calm"

"I have been. All this time, I've tired" I hiccup.

"Let's focus on all the good, tell me anything, anything positive" he encourages me sweetly.

I take a deep breath, hiccuping again. "I-I can't th-think of anything" my voice shakes and I feel him shift closer.

"Anything?"

I shake my head, as a result he sighs, leaning in to press his forehead against mine.

"Haven" He says softly. "Your family-"

"Dad-dads not well" I tell him lowly.

"The studio?"

My breath hitches, "completely wrecked"

"Wrecked? What happened to it- actually we're focusing on the positive. How about your health? You're doing amazing"

"I-I'm not. I know Eli t-told you" my voice now in a whisper since he's so close to me, his breath hot on my lips.

"Me?"

My heart skips a beat and although it pains me I shake my head no, "You- you don't l-love me anymore. It's o-okay if you don't- really it's fin-"

"Why would you say that Lila?" He's evidently hurt. "I know you don't" I let my eyes flutter shut, I just couldn't look into his breathtaking eyes when I'm already finding it difficult to breathe.

"I do. God, I love you so much Lila... and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being such a horrible human being, I'm sorry for not being here for you and just being such a dick. I never have and never would leave you f-for someone else. I love you too much and I'm not letting you go-"

"Shawn" I stop him. "I feel dizzy"

"Sorry" his voice filled with defeat but I couldn't listen to him pour his heart out when I feel like I'm dying.

"Should we go to bed? I'll tuck haven in?" He asks me softly. "It's three pm"

"I know but you're tired, come on" he slowly pulls back from my body and I open my eyes up, looking up at him. He puts his hand out to me, I take it getting up, my legs feeling like jelly as I stumble into him. His hands quickly take hold of my waist. "I got you"

I smile faintly, relying on him for support as we go to our room. "I'll put haven in his cot, I'll be right back" Shawn quickly escapes and I get in bed.

Pulling up the duvet to my chest as I close my eyes trying to gather my jumbled up thoughts.

I know Shawn loves me but when all these thoughts swirl around my mind I can't help but doubt, the doubt makes me contemplate then I'm like this. In a state of nothingness.

Minutes later I hear Shawn walk back in. I keep my eyes shut but I feel the bed dip. My eyes open to be met with a view of his back, his body uncovered by the duvet and he discarded his hoodie showing me his toned back.

I take a deep breath, counting to three in my head... then I shuffle up to his body. I press myself against him, my arm going around him to meet his hand at his front. I nestle my head into the crook of his neck.

Shawn moves back into my body, his one hand takes my thigh pulling it over his hip. So now we're as close as we could get.

"I'm so tired" a knot forms in my throat when I try to elaborate and explain how I'm feeling but how does someone explain how they're feeling when they're feeling so much at once.

"Sleep, my love" Shawn links his hand with mine.

"I can't. Not like this" I blink and a tear drops to Shawn's warm skin.

For a few minutes he doesn't speak and I felt defeated. I'm about to move away because I'm loosing all hope but just when I begin to shuffle, when my breathing staggers, I feel Shawn pull me in tighter.

"I didn't cheat, not in a million years. That woman you heard was just in the room because Brian was there too, some girl he likes. I'm not leaving you either. Not now, not ever. I know I messed up, fuck— I know I shouldn't have left. I just felt... felt like shit" he explains with a tearjerking voice.

"I felt like shit too. Then even more so when people are calling me horrible names and-and saying you deserve someone better than me which I know you do. I-i know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not beautiful and I know I'll never be to a high enough standard b-but- but I do know I love you-"

"Does it get even more perfect than you?" He cuts me off. Shawn twists his body to face me, his safe hands immediately cupping my cheeks, the pads of his thumbs wiping away my tears.

My lips quiver, my heart beats like rain against a window. "You are beautiful Lila. It hurts me that you don't think you are. And if anything I don't deserve you because even though I've been such a dick you've let me hold you whilst you cry... I'm so sorry, I'm so incredibly sorry Lila. I'll do anything for you to forgive me" He pleads. Begs as his champagne coloured eyes water and stay glued to mine.

"Anything?" My voice cracks.

He nods pursing his lips together.

"Don't let me do this alone" I tell him. "You know me. Shawn, you know what my mind and body does to me. Just don't leave me alone"

He nods, sniffling as he inches closer, his nose nudges mine adorably. "Never, I promise. I'm here"