Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

61

Lila Hamilton
- four hours later

"So is tomorrow at ten am okay?" Yvonne asks me. "Perfect" I nod. She says her goodbyes, I shut the door, yawing as I get in bed.

Carmen had taken the guest room which I was fine with.

The lawyers had drained me out completely and of course more bad news. Right now I most definitely did not believe in luck.

As I get in bed Shawn FaceTimes me. I had no energy right now at all for this call. So ignore it and text him and as I type a message I couldn't help but cry, I'm blaming the hormones for this one.

Me
Hi, just finished with the lawyers.
Super tired!

Shawn
Oh how did it go? Good news? Xx

Me
Yes they're going to file the order xx

Shawn
Bad news?

Me
God I hate this

Shawn
Babe, whatever it is I can take it.
We can do this, for our baby 💛
say the words and I'm home

Me
I wish I was as strong as you right now
They need me to stay home
for the next month or so

Shawn
A month? Why?

Me
To sort everything out I guess

Shawn
That's bullshit! So I can't see you?
And you'll be like 16 weeks pregnant?
Can you even fly then?
What about tour, I wanted you to come along and we could have fun. This sucks.

Me
I don't know, I'm gonna send you the heart beat feel like we need this 💗
*attachment*

Shawn
Oh my that's our baby

Me
Yep. I can't stop listening

Shawn
Me either
I wish we could listen to it together

Me
Me too. It's hard right now

Shawn
I know. I love you

Me
I love you too ❤️

-
2 weeks later
Getting up every day for the past two weeks was a drag. Hearing my stupid alarm to meet the stupid lawyers was exactly what hell sounded like to me.

I thought I couldn't feel worse than this but I do. I feel everything from drained to sick and the one person I want to talk to, face to face with isn't here. Then on top of that, my first true love; dance, has been taken away from me and I'm not sure my heart can take anymore.

I still hadn't told Shawn I had lost my job. I was just going to find another one, hopefully related to dance, so I could tell him I've just moved on but it's hard. No one wants a pregnant woman who's in the limelight.

Right now, I'm looking up at the ceiling and all I want is to fall asleep but my phone decides today is not the day.

"Hi Yvonne" I answer. "Hi Lila, could we meet at my office today? If that's okay for you" she says.

"Of course, I'll be there in thirty minutes" I end the call abruptly and finally get up. After some hygiene, I wear Shawn's off white hoodie and stretchy black gym leggings and I'm out the door with an apple in my mouth.

Deciding I'm too lazy to drive I get into an Uber. I sit back with a hand on my stomach, I'm now officially showing my thirteen week old bump. It was small but it was there. The first trimester all done and it had gone incredibly slow.

"We're here miss" I thank the lady and head inside the building. Going straight to Yvonne's office and we start the meeting. It was mainly me munching on the free donuts as she talked me through it all. An hour in and she sits down beside me.

"I don't want to add to your stress-"

"I'm stressed out to the max. Try me" I chuckle sarcastically. "We need you and Jasper, in the same room and signing the papers" she lets out.

And I swear for a minute I stop breathing.

"Yvonne" I bring my hand to temples squeezing harshly as I get up. "I'm depressed and s-sleep deprived because of that man, I was physically and mentally ab-abused, I'm now pregnant, three months in without the-the father and I'm stuck in this shit every night" my voice increasing in volume when I finally let it all out.

"I'm sorry" I quickly apologise, I grab my bag and head out the door and straight into the bathroom, locking myself in a cubicle. I sit down to pee then I notice red spots of blood staining my underwear.

In a panic I get up, doing everything as quickly as I could. I'm downstairs in a taxi on the way home.

"Miss are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I lie whilst silently crying, my leg bouncing up and down. I could feel my heart ache.

I toss the man some money, way too much money and I'm quick to get inside before anyone stops me for a picture or sees me in this horrible state.

My hands shakily grab for the keys, finally opening the door. I lock the door, drop my bag and find myself clenching my eyes shut, leaning back against the wall and loud cries leaving my open chapped lips, I was crying so hard that my throat was hurting.

I was feeling it all at once. Pain, hurt, anger, sorrow, feeling drained and confused.

"Lila? Oh baby"

It's all in my head. He's not here.

I feel two warm familiar hands on my upper arms. My eyes open to the most beautiful pair of eyes.

"Shawn?" I choke out. My body falls into his, I'm shaking in his arms. "Hey hush, sh shh it's okay, it's okay" his hand rubs my back but I don't feel how soothing it would usually feel.

"I-I-"

"It's okay. It's okay baby" his hand weaves into my hair, pulling my closer to he could kiss my forehead. "Let's sit down Yeah?" He moves back but I cling on to him like a lifeline.

"Lila-"

"Shawn I-I don't feel o-okay" I hiccup into his chest. Without a word he slowly brings me down to the floor, I'm sat between his legs curled up to his body.

"Christ, babe you're heating up" he comments bringing his loving hands to cup my cheeks.

My lips tremble as I try to speak but I couldn't.

"Breathe with me, yeah? Slowly" he takes a deep breath in. "I-I can't" I let out with a sob, my head feeling light.

"Yeah you can. I know you can. Take it slowly, no talking just a deep breath" his hands move to my back, gently rubbing up and down. My breathing staggers then I take a deep breath but as I do my eyes get drowsy and I unwillingly fall into Shawn's body.