Tentacles Entangled (Squidward x Reader)

Drag Queen Intervention

Squidward pulled out (that's what she said) the chair for (Y/N). She slapped his ass, scaring him off.

"I'm a feminist, bitch. I pull out my own chair." She then slammed the chair back to where it was, then pulled the chair back for herself like the petty ass she was.

Squidfuck shrugged it off and sat in his seat across from his lovely date. Well... it wasn't a date to her. But maybe he could make her think otherwise. He was tired of being friendzoned. His tentacles were hard and he needed action. The type of action Trump gets with Putin during his 'golfing vacations'.

He blushed to himself and hid his hard tentacles under the white clothed table. Luckily, (Y/N) was reading over the menu, blocking her entire face from his view. "So, erm, when's this 'drag show'?"

"Oh, yeah. That's why we came to this shit show. I almost forgot." She threw down the menu. "It starts in like a few minutes or something... but like, where can a girl get a fucking Krabby goddamn Patty around here?"

Squidward's eyes got wide. Boy was shook af wtf?! "You-want a.. Krabby Patty?... why?" Squidward said disgusted.

She eyed him in confusion. "Why wouldn't I want a Krabby Patty? Sure, this place is fancy, but I was hoping they at the very least had patties on the kids menu but NOPE."

"You can only get krabby patties at the Krusty Krab, (Y/N)." Squidward said.

"...FU-"

"Well, hello there."

(Y/N) looked up at the bitch person who just interrupted her.

The drag queen standing before them shot them both a sexy smile and a wink. "What can I get for y-...(Y/N)?!" The drag queen said.

(Y/N) sat there staring, confused. Did she know this person??

"That's the name. Can I get some vodka or what?"

Squidward just fucking sat there taking this whole shit show in.

"(Y/N), it's Squilliam, Squilliam Fancyson! From highschool!" The drag queen said, taking off the drag wig to show his perfect and alluring brow.

"Squilliam?!" (Y/N) squealed, she jumped up and hugged him, making Squidward cringe. "It's been so long. I always wondered where you were and what you were doing nowadays. Drag in Bikini Bottom, huh?"

Squilliam smirked. "That's the dream, my dear." He said to her as he kissed her fin. This enraged Squidward beyond belief. What he would give to shove a metal pipe up his tight ass right in front of everyone but not in a gay way because no homo. Squidward wanted to shove things up Squilliams ass in the straightest way possible, ya feel?

"You-you..." Squidward stammered. "You two know each other?"

Squilliam rolled his beautiful drag eyes that had exaggerated lashes to add that extra sass. "I just said I was in highschool with her, Tentacles. In fact, we were even a couple for all of senior year! Try paying attention for once."

(Y/N) blushed and smiled. "We even got voted cutest couple and won prom king and queen! Those were the days, huh, Squilly?"

He laughed, wiping a tear from his eye (but not in a bitch way). "If only we could go back! No worrying about jobs or rent or attending our parents funerals. Just bags on our back and time off from school due to a shooting threat." He sighed in nostalgia.

"Ha! I remember during one school bomb threat we snuck into the locker instead of leaving school and had our first kiss."

"And also our first-"