Tentacles Entangled (Squidward x Reader)

Hazbin Hotel

Squidward wiped the crumbs off of his brown brown shirt. He knew it was Spongebob's favorite. Oh god, he couldn't believe he was doing this. He wasn't just going over to Spongebob's house, but he was also trying to impress him. To be a good house guest of course, but Spongeboob of all people. Fucking gross.

He walked over to his next-door neighbor's house with the squishy sound effect he has (you know the one). He knocked on the yellow sponge fuck's door.

Spongebob answered the door almost immediately. "Hiya Squid! Ready for our date?!"

Squidward coughed at the awkwardness that was brewing inside him. A date? Oh god what is he doing...

"Uh, haha, yeah..." Squidward said as he walked into the pineapple under the sea. Man, the inside was even uglier than Spongebob himself. He didn't think that was possible. "Nice home ya got here." The comment was clearly sarcastic but Spongebob didn't take it as such and smiled happily.

"Thanks! I knew you would like it! I redecorated since the last time you came over years ago, ya know when you mooched off me. But it's okay UWU." Spongebob needed to stop saying UWU. It was breaking Squidward a bit. Not to mention he forgot about that time he stayed at his house while he was sick. Did Spongebob hold that against him? Hopefully, he would poison him out of spite, this life was painful enough.

"So... did you make food or something?" This was more awkward than expected, Squidward low key just expected to get right into talking about grieving like a free therapy session like the apparent moocher he was but whatever I guess. Everyday he descended further into hell so why not suffer a little more? Not like it would make a difference.

"Hey, Squidward, have you seen Hazbin Hotel yet?" Spongebob asked, ignoring the food question like a total bitch queen.

"Has been what? That sounds gay."

"It is. We should watch it together." (Squidward is lowkey obsessed with Angel Dust.)

Was Spongebob trying to get something going between them or something? Nah. He was just overthinking it.

The room fell silent again for a good 69 ;) seconds. "And I did make food!" Spongebob added (finally). "I hope you're a fan of good ol' mac n cheese."

"I'm not." (Squidward was lowkey obsessed with Mac n Cheese.)

"Oh." :(

Spongebob waddled over to the kitchen awkwardly to serve the Craft Mac N Cheese that took two hours to prepare. Squidward followed, also awkwardly.

Craft? Really? Jesus. Spongebob didn't even have good taste. Squidward knew where the true Gucci shit was.

The two of them sat across from one another at the table, steaming Craft Mac N Cheese in front of them. Squidward didn't dare touch such a sin, he only looked around the nasty kitchen as Spongebob dug into his non-masterpiece. He kinda wanted to pull out his phone to read x reader fanfictions, but that would be being a rude houseguest, wouldn't it?

Squidward played around with his food using a fork. Spongebob could tell that his first date with the sexy octopus isn't going as well as he planned.

"So uh... How's the clarinet?" Spongebob awkwardly said with a short laugh.

Squidward stared at him and went back to playing with his shitty kid food. "It's fine I guess."

Spongebob needed to change something about his tactics. Pick up the pace, as you will. "Squidward?"

"What?"

"I think you're one smoking daddy."

Squidward almost choked (but not on the Mac and Cheese because that shit nasty).

"WHAT?!" He said in so much confusion!!!! Was this boob serious???????????? NANI?!

"I want to be your baby girl, Daddy! And you can spank me when I'm being bad." Spongebob said with a blush.

Squidward pushed himself up from his seat. "I think I should be going, Spongeboob." He spat in disgust.

Spongebob knew in that moment that he had diddly darn fucked up. "W-WAIT!" he reached out and grabbed Squidward's wrist in desperation. "I was- I was just kidding! Haha! Get dunked on!"

"What kinda sick joke were you trying to pull?"

"I- I dunno. I guess we just don't have the same sense of humor. I was just trying to set the mood."

"Set the mood?" This was getting weirder by the minute.

Spongebob flustered before composing himself once more. "Well, I was thinking, I know how to distract you from your troubles. Ya know, about (Y/N) and such. I know a way to get our grieving minds off of it."

What was he getting at? Squidward stayed silent.

"Maybe... maybe you could spend the night with me?"

"W-What?" Squidward couldn't even comprehend what Spongebob was even saying anymore, this was all coming out of the blue.

Spongebob stepped closer to the sexy light blue bitch with a seductive smirk.

"I know how to relieve all of your stress, Squidward. Just trust me..." Spongebob reached forward and started to rub his arms before taking Squidward into an embrace.

Squidward, too dumbfounded and disturbed to understand anything, allowed Spongebob to continue. He just needed pleasure. But he couldn't accept it from Spongebob. Right?

But he could've sworn, for just a second, he heard a crying baby in the background.