Everything was falling perfectly into place for (Y/N), the new fish in town. Bikini Bottom was the perfect place for her, especially when a certain squid was her neighbor. But nothing is as perfect as it seems.
Spongebob tightly grasped the old jellyfish jar he had placed Plankton in as he walked into his pineapple home.
"Meow!" Gary greeted.
"Hiya, Gary! I'll give you dinner in just a second okay? Love ya, buddy." He turned to Plankton, his facial expression morphing into one of pure EVILLLLLLL (MermaidMan can be heard saying this in the distance). "Listen here you little bitch."
"Yo, is this is about the 69 cents, I'll raise it to $4.20 okay?"
"Oh, I don't want your filthy hoe money, Sheldon..." Spongebob said.
A shiver ran down Plankton's little stubby body as he looked through the tiny holes that poked through the top of the jar to the heavens above. "Neptune, save me now."
"Neptune can't save you, Sheldon J. Plankton." Spongebob said with a low voice. He closed the front door behind him and made his way to the stairway that led to the basement no one knew he had.
He gulped in a breath of salt water. "Why are you doing this, homie?"
"I told you already." He mumbled. "I know you were keeping me away from (Y/N)..."
The yellow booby never looked at his hostage. He kept looking ahead, not turning on any lights as he made his way into the dark as shit basement. It smelled really fucking bad yo. Plankton couldn't see shit either.
"Why the hell do you want (Y/N) so badly? She's not THAT hot."
Spongebob stopped in his tracks. He looked at Sheldon through the darkness with his cold, dull blue eyes. "It's not (Y/N) who I want all to myself, Plankton."
Plankton waited.
"...it's Squidward."
"Wait... you fucking gay bro?"
The jar was thrown across the room.
"HUZZAH-" Plankton screamed as he hit the wall. The glass managed to not break.
"You'll rot down here Plankton." Spongebob said as he made his way upstairs, shutting the door behind him.
Plankton could make one figure out through the darkness right beside him. A dead and rotting sea star.
"Knockity knock knock!" Squidward said as he knockity knocked knocked on the door. It was the next morning after his and (Y/N)'s previous conversation and although he was disappointed (Y/N) didn't return his feelings, he somehow didn't feel awkward seeing her. They still had a blooming friendship no matter the situation.
"Hey, Squiddy!" (Y/N) greeted as she opened the door. "You ready to bike?"
She had called him that morning asking if he wanted to go on a bike ride before having tea together. She often saw him bike to work and past her home, and biking was ironically her hobby as well. They had a lot in common.
"Ready when you are, (Y/N)!" Squidboy said as he strapped his biking helmet on. "I thought maybe we could make our way through Bikini Bottom and I could show you around town. I'll avoid the busy areas of course. I don't feel like getting run over today. Harharharhar." He did that stupid laugh he always did.
(Y/N) laughed with him. She was actually excited for this biking trip! She hasn't seen much of Bikini Bottom and Squidward knows his way around. Not to mention it was nice to hang out with no sexual tension for once.
"Letsa go!" Mario- I mean (Y/N) said as she pulled out a unicycle from out of nowhere. Probably her ass idk.
Squidward smiled. He didn't lol because he wants to be a gentlesquid, ya dig?
She beamed. "Ya know, I figured we could do something else while we're out. I was doing research on local tourist spots in Bikini Bottom and I found one I'm really interested in. There's actually an event going on!"
"Really?" He asked surprised. "Where?"
"That fancy restaurant, literally called Fancy." (Y/N) said before getting giddy with excitement.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
((This is the resturant we are talking about so fuck you))
"And apparently there is a drag show going on all day!" She finished. "I know it's expensive, but don't worry. It's on me. My rich dad died like a year ago so now I have all his money LMAO."
Squidward's smile dropped, he wanted to help console her in any way possible, he was that much in fucking love (still) but that chick was gucci fine lol. She didn't care. Nani?
"He fucking sucked. Literally, he was gay. Anyway, you up for it?" (A/N: the reader is supposed to be an asshole on purpose, so please remember this fanfiction is purposefully offensive. Some people tend to forget. Love you bbs <3)
"S-sure!" Squidward answered not knowing what else to say. He did love their food. "It's not too far from here."
He didn't want to say anything, but he could feel the sexual tension build. She friendzoned his ass... but now she was inviting him to a fancy ass restaurant? The fuck??
Before he had anything else to say, (Y/N) already propped herself up onto her clown unicycle. He saw a flash of her floral thong, causing him to blush as he turned away to sit on his own bike.
The two of them rode off into the sunset as Spongebob watched from his second story window, carving a wooden statue of his one and only love. Squidward.
He would be his and his alone.
And no one will stand in his way.
"I'm ready." Spongebob said to himself with an evil grin as he stabbed his nightstand table with his whittling knife.
