Dressing like a girl ((boyxboy)) ON PAUSE

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I open the door to Danielle's room to find her still dancing. I put on a smile as soon as she looks at me causing her to grin then return to her dance. I open my bag and pull out a pink dress hoodie and some underwear to match it.

"I'm gonna go hit up the showers" I grab a towel and reach out for the door handle.

"What's wrong Ohio" Danielle asks, quickly pausing the video.

"What make you think something is wrong" I turn around to face her.

"Well for starters, you normally come back pretending to be angry about my dancing because the room stinks but you hadn't yelled at me yet" she pouts a little.

"You smell like a middle school boys locker room after dodge ball" pretend to gag. "Wait a second.. do you have a degrading kink or something?" I tease.

"Come on I'm being serious.." she pulls me onto the beanbag chair with her.

"Nothing, I told you I'm good" I smile as I ruffle her hair.

She glares at me for a moment, "really?" I nod 'yes' aggressively. "Just know my annoying ass will always be here to talk" she ruffles my hair in return before un-pausing the tv and continuing to dancing.

I roll my eyes playfully as I get up from the chair and leave the room. I enter the bathroom and quickly get undressed. I turn on the hot water in the shower and start to scrub myself down with Danielle's body wash. I repeat the process about 2 more times before sitting down and letting the hot water soak me. I stare off into space for a while trying to clear my mind. The water becomes warm and I turn the knob for it to get hotter onto to realize it was at its hottest. I turn off the water then get out and wipe the mirror down, ignoring the cold biting at my skin. My skin being tainted a red color and my fingers all wrinkly.

"Damn how long was I in there" I get closer to the mirror, checking my face.

I shake my hair out then grab the towel and start to dry myself off. I put on some lotion then pull on the clothes I got from my bag. I take a deep breath before leaving the bathroom and entering Danielle's room again. She freezes in her bra and shorts with her shirt bunched up in her hands.

"What are you doing in here why you look so suspicious" I watch her as I put my dirty clothes next to my bag on the floor.

"I was wiping myself down until you came in like my mom" she quickly closes her door then goes back to wiping herself down with her shirt.

"Maybe if you took a shower instead of cleaning yourself with your shirts they wouldn't yell at you.

"Why would I take a shower" she scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"Because you've been sweating like this for hours and you might actually have dirt caked up on your skin" I cringe at the thought of it as I sit on her bed.

"Hmm maybe later" she says, putting on a new shirt.

"Bitch it's like 1 in the morning" I say looking at my phone.

"Exactly" she grins as she jumps onto the bed next to me and begins rolling around.

"Eww get your dirty legs off of me" I giggle as she spreads out on the bed.

"I should be the one telling you to get your clean self off my bed" she wiggles her toes around.

"Eww" I say pushing her off then get under the blankets. "Go to sleep" I roll my eyes.

"Fine fine" she reaches over me and turns off her lamp then gets comfortable under the blankets.

About two hours had past after I told Danielle to go to sleep. She's probably already long gone to sleep while I on the other hand am still awake, trapped with my own thoughts. I let out a small sigh before turning to look at Danielle only to be met with the back of her pink hair.

"Do you think I'll ever actually have a chance with Henry" I whisper into the darkness. "I know I said I don't like him...this..this is just a hypothetical question" I wait for a second. "I think he raped me.."

As I say it out loud it starts becoming more apparent then just thinking it in the back of my head. Thinking it is nothing compared to actually saying it, putting it out there and hearing yourself say it.

"I didn't wanna do it the first time.. I didn't wanna wrongly accuse him so I did research and turns out I didn't know about a lot of things" I drape my arm over my eyes. "...it wasn't consensual but I did it anyways. Now I go other there because I've convinced myself he feels something for me" I bitterly laugh at myself. "I'm a fucking idiot" tears start to roll from my eyes to my ears.

I bite down on my lip trying not to wake her up with the sound of me crying even though I've been talking to her for the past 10 minutes. I quickly wipe my face and then my nose with my sleeve then take in a deep breath.

"A fucking idiot for not realizing I was assaulted... an idiot for thinking he likes me" my voice cracks when that last part comes out. "He's been texting some girl lately and I don't know why I'm just now realizing today that he doesn't give two flying fucks about m-"

Danielle suddenly turns over and pulls me into a hug. I sit there for a moment surprised that she was even awake. Then what I had just said hit me all at once harder than it did when I said it the first time. I curl into her as my eyes began to start watering more. I tried to fight it for a second before I let it take over and start sobbing into her chest. She starts rubbing her hand up and down my back trying to calm me down.

"I told you that you liked him" could tell she was smirking just by the sound of her voice.

"And I told you that you smell like a boys locker room" we start laughing. "It's not safe for me to cry into dirty people's shirts ya know" I pull away to breath some fresh air.

"It's not safe for you to keep all you emotions bottled up like this..or for you to pour your thoughts out to people while their knocked out" she flicks my forehead.

"I guess we both should work on things" I smile at her.

"I guess" she smiles back at me. "Wait are you talking about me showering more often?" She becomes defensive.