[[[all of my flaws]]][[[part ii]]]

56.

I wondered where Dan was. I'd been ringing him since that morning on the drive from Plymouth to London. He wasn't responding to texts. I was supposed to be going back to his for the remainder of the week off, but I couldn't just turn up if he wasn't there. I hoped he was ok.

Maybe some time apart would be good. I hadn't actually spent anytime alone in three weeks apart from the odd hour in my bunk or in the hotel room. And I wouldn't be getting any time either, since I'd been contacted that morning by a bands manager asking if I was available as soon as possible for a permanent position. I'd bitten his hand off at the offer. It was a new band, from England, about to make it big time. It was perfect. I'd have my own car, a proper wage, all expenses paid. I had to go and meet them the day after I was finished with Bastille. Just seven more days and it would all be over and I'd be away with my new band.

I didn't hear back from him until the morning I was picking him up to take us to Newcastle.

*ill be at yours in an hour*

*ok*

I would be lying if I thought something wasn't wrong. Had he got me into bed and had enough already? Was this all just a ploy to have an easy lay? I never had him down as one of those men. Had I stupidly fallen for the oldest trick in the book? Didn't he know, better than anyone, what I'd been through for years? Just because I had once been a prostitute, didn't make it ok to treat me like one.

I actually felt sick with anticipation about seeing him. I picked up Kyle first so there would be no awkward conversations with him. Kyle had been away to Italy with his girlfriend for the week and had a million stories to tell. So when Dan did get in the van, looking absolutely awful, there was no chance to ask if he was alright. He sat there silently in the back, turning his phone over in his hands and looking anywhere but at me.

Maybe I'd done something wrong? What if I'd come on too strong? He didn't seem to be complaining much while I was round his. In fact, hadn't he practically begged me to stay? What on earth had happened in the three days we'd spent apart?

Once we'd got back onto the big yellow tour bus of dreams and I'd dumped my bag onto my bunk, I went shopping for food. No more take aways. No more late nights with beer. The final week was going to be about making it count. No hangovers. No stupid hiccups. I had even squeezed in a trip to a zoo for everyone as a leaving party to myself.

I gathered them all into the living room. Dan sat furthest away from me and barely looked up as I spoke.

'So, as you guys know, Friday is my last day. I start my new job on Saturday.'

'Thats fantastic!' Will beamed. 'We will miss you though, you're the best tour manager we've had yet.'

'Well, the record company know where I am if I'm needed again. But I just want to say thank you, all of you, for making these the best few weeks ever.' He looked up once. Locking his eyes on mine. I couldn't read him. Tears began to brim in my eyes. What was going on? How had we gone from bliss to barely even talking once again?