Sabriel Insanity

Sooooo Big

Sam and Gabriel's marriage wasn't perfect. And that was fine, because a perfect marriage isn't realistic. It's healthy for them to have spats sometimes and argue over the dishwasher and get on each other's nerves from time to time. That's only human. The important thing was that they always made up with each other. Their spats never escalated, and even when the fight was bad enough that one of them ended up sleeping on the couch, they always found a way to forgive each other and compromise. They moved on. 

Having grown up in households filled with fights that people never moved on from, compromising and avoiding arguments was huge to both of them, and after Rosie was added to the family, it only became more important to them that they never fight in front of her.

Rosie was Sam and Gabriel's four year old daughter, and the world was basically all sunshine and rainbows to her at the moment. Sam and Gabe had no problem with that. Four year olds were allowed to be blissfully happy. It meant they were doing a good job at giving her a happy childhood. But even kids were aware that not everything could be perfect all the time.

It had started over the dishwasher. AGAIN. Gabriel had claimed many times that the appliance was the single most rage inducing thing they owned. They had lost track of how many fights they'd had over it. How to load it, how to use it, what soap to use, what could and couldn't go in it and where, the weirdly, ungodly smell of it and the grinding noise it made when it ran. Let's just say that if Sam and Gabe ever get divorced, 99% of the blame is going directly to this dishwasher. 

Which is why it surprised no one that they were fighting over it again.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you CAN'T PUT STEAK KNIVES IN THE DISHWASHER-" Sam was saying. He wasn't quite yelling yet, but he was getting close. It had already been a long day. Gabriel fucking up the dishwasher again had just been a snapping point.

"What does it matter?" Gabriel shot back. "We put the butter knives in and they're fine-"

"Steak knives are different! The dishwasher will ruin the handles!"

"And the heat peels off the logos of my coffee mugs, but you have NO PROBLEM PUTTING THEM IN-"

"IT'S A CUP. CUPS GO IN THE DISHWASHER."

"YEAH, WELL COFFEE MUGS DON'T."

"MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T PUT SO MUCH SOAP IN, THE LOGOS WOULDN'T PEEL OFF-"

"AND IF YOU JUST WASHED THE DISHES INSTEAD OF RINSING EVERYTHING BEFORE THROWING THEM IN HERE, WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO ARGUE ABOUT THE STUPID DISHWASHER ALL THE TIME!"

"YOU HAVE TO RINSE THEM OUT!"

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF A DISHWASHER IF YOU WASH THEM AHEAD OF TIME??"

"RINSING WITH JUST WATER IS NOT A SUFFICIENT WAY TO CLEAN DISHES!"

"WELL, EXCUSE ME, SORRY I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS TALKING TO A CERTIFIED DISHWASHING EXPERT-"

"MAYBE IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN AND LEARN HOW TO DO THE DISHES CORRECTLY-"

"WHAT'S THE POINT IF WE JUST THROW THEM ALL IN THE SMELLY DISHWASHER-"

"IT DOESN'T SMELL!"

"IT DOES TOO, IT'S LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS IN THERE!"

"YOU'RE LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS!"

"WHAT THE H-"

"Why are you fighting?" Rosie's voice silenced them both as they glanced at the doorway. Rosie was standing there, ever innocent, a stuffed animal clutched in her hands as she stared at them.

"Shit," Gabriel swore. They hadn't meant to fight in front of her.

"Swear jar," Sam said instinctively, rubbing the spot between his eyes.

"Fuck the swear jar."

"Gabe-"

"We weren't fighting, sweetie," Gabriel insisted, walking over and dropping to Rosie's level. "We were just...Okay, maybe we were fighting a little bit, but that's only cause the dishwasher smells."

"It doesn't smell-" Sam started.

"Yes it does," Rosie insisted. Gabriel made a mental note to high five her later for that win.

"Alright, fine, maybe it does," Sam sighed. "But we shouldn't have been fighting about it so loud. We're sorry." Gabe nodded in agreement, but Rosie still looked wary.

"Angie says that people fight when they don't like each other." She looked between them. "Do you not like each other anymore?"

"What! Of course we like each other!" Gabriel declared. 

"We could never stop liking each other," Sam agreed. 

"Yep. In fact," Gabriel grinned and turned to Sam. "I like you soooooooo much!" The moose fought the urge to laugh.

"Really?" He asked. Gabriel nodded and then screwed on an overly innocent and playful expression.

"Yeah! I like you...." He flung his arms out as wide as they could go. "THIS BIG!" Sam grinned and widened his eyes with a childish expression.

"Woaaaaahhh...That's BIG!" Rosie giggled. "You know what, Gabe?"

"What?" Sam flung out his arms in the same way.

"I like you this big too."

"Awwwww." They glanced back at Rosie. 

"See?" Sam asked. "Now do you believe we like each other?" She thought for a moment.

"You gots to hug too." She insisted. "Then I believe you." So they hugged and really, REALLY tried not to laugh.

"I feel like we're in a bad Barney episode," Sam muttered.

"Well this is what you have to do when you love someone sooooo big."

"Oh my god-"

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I know something else that's soooo big-" Sam choked on air and they broke away.

"There!" Rosie said. "Now you can't fight anymore! The magic hug powers said so!"

"Well if the hug powers said so, then we have to listen." Gabriel said seriously. Rosie nodded and then ran from the room. Sam and Gabriel glanced at each other.

"We're buying a new dishwasher." Gabriel declared. 

"I swear to God if you make another joke something being sooooo big, I will actually kill you." Sam declared.

"Aw come on, it was gonna be a great mid-blowjob joke!"

"OH MY GOD-"

"You would've laughed."

"I would've killed you."

"I'm just gonna wait a week until you forget about it and then go it anyways."

"Why are you like this?"

"Because....."

"Don't say it."

"I like you THIS BIG!!"