It's A Long Ride Home, I'm Afraid. {Camren} ✔️

~{21}~

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

I was five years old. There was yelling and screaming downstairs. I was singing to calm myself down.

It was probably my mother and father arguing again.

I didn't concern myself with their issues. I may have been only five, but I knew my place.

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

"Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

Last time, my mom slapped me across the face for telling her that I didn't like them yelling.

She told me that I didn't know anything.

My brother Chris was only three, and I also had a sister Taylor who was still only a baby. Sometimes, we'd keep each other company during times like these.

The way that Clara abused us was the whole reason my father threatened to divorce her.

He could tell she was only going to hurt us. He wanted to fight for our custody in the divorce.

But I never saw my mother's abuse for what it was. I just thought I was a horrible kid, and that's why I was treated the way I was.

And when the day finally came for my parents to go to court, my life changed forever.

They tried counseling, they tried getting along, but it didn't work.

My father was smart enough to know that some people are just not willing to change.

However, counseling wasn't the help my mother needed anyways. But nobody ever realized that in time.

My dad received custody of the three of us since his proof was more than enough for the judge and the jury to make a proper decision.

Turns out, he had recorded one of mine and Chris' interactions with Clara, where she threatened us for missing a few toys after we were supposed to clean them up.

He also showed the judge pictures of bruises that I was given. He also showed a picture of another time my mother gave me a horrendous burn.

I remember, despite being only five, smiling at how much love our father had for us while I was sitting in that courtroom.

"You stood by while your wife had been abusing these children just so you could record a video?" The defense attorney had interrogated him.

"It was the hardest thing I could ever do." My dad replied. "But I thought ahead to the future. In that moment, I knew I was headed for divorce, so I needed some kind of proof of my wife's horrifying treatment of my children. I knew that five years from that moment, they'd be happy, and they'd finally forget about her torment and realize that they're going to be safe from now on."

"So yes, I did stand by so I could record a video, but only because I care so deeply for my kids. All three of them."

My mother didn't face jail time or anything, which is baffling to say the least—insanity pleas are a bitch—but her parental rights were stripped of her, and she wasn't allowed to see us for a very long time. Not until we were old enough to fend for ourselves if she ever tried anything with us.

And besides, I was happy living with my dad. He really did treat us right, and I was grateful to him for sticking up for us that day in court.

Not everyone can accept the fact that their partner might be an abuser. Especially not after they've fallen in love with them and been in love with them for a long time.

No matter how bad a person is at their core, there are always going to be people grasping on to the few good parts they fell in love with in the first place.

I knew it was so hard for my father. He didn't really put himself back out there to start dating people again for a long time. He was still processing the damage Clara had done.

Me personally, I could never quite let go of my mother either. Despite my dad's best efforts, nothing could ever truly replace a mother's love.

To this day, I still wait for the moment that I can see my mother again. Not because I wish to give her back that title, but because I want answers.

What made her hate me so much when I was only a child?

What made her abuse me, hit me, and neglect me the way she did?

There were still so many questions, but I would have to be patient for the day my mother and I could reunite again.

~