My Own MB Book, I Guess

I Feel Depressed Today

After a long period of time, I finally felt the one emotion I never thought I'd get.

Depression.

It all stemmed from two days ago, where I wanted to troll one of my friends by getting Nero Caster in FGO. If I get her, that is.

Yes, Nero is his waifu.

That made him mad.

So he began to threaten me with Penthesilea NTR, which was ineffective to me. Hell, I even taunted him due to those threats. So much so that I broke him and he declared our friendship done.

Because of that, I went silent in Discord for a while, only replying on DMs, before leaving the server I was in.

Now, today, when I woke up, I felt my shoulders really heavy.

Even though there was nothing on it.

I ignored it, and continued on with my life, going to school.

But when I reached school, my classmates and friends kept telling me that I looked tired.

I assured them that I was fine, because I was up, and didn't feel like sleeping.

But then out of nowhere, I remembered about the friendship I broke between my former friend and I.

Suddenly, I knew why my shoulders felt heavy.

I was burdened by guilt due to that friendship I broke.

This began to cloud my mind the entire day, so much so that I can't even get a single second of focus throughout the entire lessons.

Hell, we even had a maths revision test, and that thought still clouded my mind.

That, and also, my severe OCD began kicking in whenever I begin to draw a curve line.

Before my afternoon practical class, I was with my friends, classmates and friends alike, talking and laughing.

I admit, I had genuine laughs one after another.

Especially one of my friend (who's a girl), saying to my classmate who was sucking up his ice cream cone:

"Boys suck better."

But when we went to our practical class, my shoulders felt heavy again. The thought came back again, and my body felt tired all of a sudden.

'So, this is what depression feels like,' I thought sadly, as I leaned against my chair, putting my usual poker face, although internally, I felt myself hurting.

I don't know if that friend would read this or not, but if you are, then please accept my apology. I'm sorry for making you break our 4 year long friendship, and I promise to put my boundaries on where my jokes will be onto not just you, but everyone else.

For those who are reading this so you can give me words of assurance, don't. I can deal with my depression. Everyone deals depression in many kinds of ways. I have my own. If my friend accepts my apology, then all the burden I felt will finally go away, and there goes my depression.

But if he doesn't, I'd have to accept it and move on, just like how any normal human being would do.

And with that, ends my today's report.