I Do Until I Don't

Chapter 16

 I like to swim in the morning because the ocean is less crowded and I get less distracted and less stressed out. And if there's something I hate it's stressing out at the beach. That's like going to see Santa and not feeling the magic of Christmas. Just strange and not possible.

"Em? Em?"

I spin around as I jump in surprise, my hands splashing the water and sprinkling water onto my face.

"Jeez. Wow. Hi." It's Alex.

Alex.

Alex?

Alex!

Alex is swimming next to me. And he's alone. He's with me. Alone. What?

"Hi," I manage to get out of my mouth. "Sorry I jumped. You just scared me."

"Sorry about that."

I smile and take a look at him. His hair, his gorgeous copper hair, is damp from swimming. He's got a few freckles on his cheeks and nose but it doesn't take out his manly-ness. How Life created someone that amazing, I have yet to understand. Like, couldn't It have taken one percent of his beauty and give it to me? Just one percent.

"Am I interrupting you?" Alex asks me when he catches me staring for a bit too long.

"What? No. Not at all." I look around. "What could you have interrupted? My thoughts?"

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Yeah, I guess."

I brush it off. "No worries."

Maybe I should try out one of Fannar's flirting techniques. No, I can't. Alex doesn't know that Fannar and I aren't dating. He will think I'm cheating on his friend with him. Why did Fannar and I even decide to pretend to date? Why didn't we agree to hang out together as he gave me flirting lessons? That would have been much simpler. Maybe we could break it off─

"Em? Em?"

"What? Oh sorry, I was thinking."

Alex laughs slightly.

"That's fine."

"What did you ask me?"

"If everything is going well with Fannar. He says you're really sweet. It's crazy, really, it's like he wants me to date you."

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing or saying something like, "well that's kind of the point, here."

Instead, I say, "Yeah, we're having fun. He's super nice and easy to talk to. But we're taking it slow. I'm still getting to know him."

"Good girl."

"Well... I'm not that good of a girl. I mean... I can be a badass."

"No, you can't."

No, I can't.

Does Alex like bad girls? Does he prefer the sweet ones? I shouldn't care about that, I know. I know I have to be myself and, if we're meant to be, he'll love me for who I am, but still. It's hard when all you ever wanted is right there in front of you and you don't appear to be all he has ever wanted.

"I could learn how to be a bad girl," I say.

"You'd be so hot if you did. But please don't."

Well, I gather it means I'm not hot right now...

"Why not?"

Alex looks straight into my eyes and it takes everything in me not to cover my surely-pink cheeks with my hands. "Don't pretend to be someone you're not."

"Wise words," I say, trying to sound somewhat flirtatious, but it comes out more like I'm some kind of Yoda.

Alex smirks. "I try to."

I let my hands glide on the top of the water. "So... tell me stuff."

"About what?"

"Whatever. We talked about school. So now... let's talk about─"

"Sex baby. Let's talk about you and me," Alex sings. "Let's talk about you and me."

Is he... No, it's just the lyrics. But maybe he's flirting? I should ask Fannar to give me a class on spotting flirting techniques.

"We can talk about that if you want," I propose.

"What is there to talk about? You haven't done it."

I know I flinched when I see Alex's apology in his eyes. No, I haven't done it. I never felt ashamed about it until now.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"I just figured. Fannar told me you never went out with a guy."

"Right."

The conversation is going nowhere. I'm more interested in the clouds right now than our conversation. And the conversation involves Alex which might as well be the most interesting human being ever created.

"Have you?" I ask.

I can't look into his eyes, so I focus on finding my feet underwater. The water is clear today, even with all the clouds in the sky, and I see clearly everything that is underwater.

"Have I had sex?" Alex asks. "Yeah."

I nod. "Did you like it?"

To this, Alex bursts into laughter. I hope he's laughing at the question and not at me.

"I did. Thanks for asking."

"You did it with your girlfriend?"

Kinda smooth, I guess. Because, to think about it, I don't even know if Alex is dating someone. I mean, if he does, it would break my heart, but I still need to know. If he tells me he's still seeing her, I'll just have to bite my lower lip to stop myself from crying until I reach my house. It would feel like a slap on my cheek. I promised myself I would never date anyone until I dated Alex. That was two years ago. If he went on and dated people... that would just be sad.

"Ex-girlfriend," Alex answers.

Oh.

"And do you have a girlfriend now?"

"Living the single life, baby."

"Cool."

"Yeah, it's nice. I need a break from drama for a while."

"A healthy relationship won't involve drama, Alex."

He smirks. "I know. It's just that I seem to attract only those who love drama."

"You'll find someone," I promise.

Alex looks into my eyes and my lungs stop functioning and my brain stops thinking and my heart stops pumping. "I hope so."

"You will. You deserve it."

Alex smiles sadly. "Yeah."

"No, no! Look at me." He looks at me. His eyes are golden. "You will meet someone, and she will be magic, okay?"

Alex puts his hand on my shoulder and I'm frozen and boiling hot at the same time. Does he know what effect he has on me? Does he?

"You're really a cool friend, Em."

Oh.

"You too."

Alex dips his head underwater.

"Hey, Em," he says when he rises, "there's a party my friend is throwing tonight. Wanna come? Fannar and Sabrina are going to be there."

"Okay."

Alex dips his head underwater again. I guess we finished our conversation.