I Do Until I Don't

Chapter 20

 Fannar and I decide to go for a stroll on the boardwalk before heading to our usual milkshake spot. I don't know why I got so worked up before; Julia even straighten my hair as Mel even took pictures! It's always that causally when I'm with Fannar. It's always comfortable and nice.

The sun has yet to set, and the people are only now starting to go out, filling slowly the restaurant facing the still water. There's a group of friends, maybe in their early college years, playing volleyball. They notice us stare at them ─ or maybe just notice me stare─ so they invite us to join them.

"I suck at it," I warn them.

"Nonsense," says a girl with lavender short hair and smokey eye makeup. She throws me the ball. "I'm sure you can serve. Everyone can serve."

Not me, I want to say, but the girl is looking at me with so much hope that I can't find the strength to formulate the words.

I try and fail the first time. The group of people cheers, and the Lavender-haired girl comes and teaches me how to serve. I try again and succeed slightly. It's not the best shot, but at least it went over the net.

A guy with broad shoulders and blond hair throws the ball and Lavender-haired girl hits it back. Fannar jumps and tries to hit it but fails and lands face-first in the sand.

"Not impressing your lady, now," a guy with green hair and a lip piercing teases him, stretching out his hand to help out Fannar get up.

"I'll impress her with other things," my friend says before winking at me.

Lavender-Haired girl leans over at me. "Swoon."

Her friend (polka dot bikini and arm tattoo) says, "Where can I get one of those?"

Broad-Shoulders guy raises his arm in the air. "Right here, babe." Polka-Dot-Bikini girl shrugs. "Meh. And when will you stop calling me babe, Dallas?"

I serve once more, the ball making a perfect parabola and landing on the opposite side of the next. Broad-Shoulders guy, Dallas, hits it, Lavender-Haired girl hits it back, then Fannar, then me, then Fannar again, hitting the ball so hard it lands on my head but still goes over the net.

"Does that even count?" Green-Haired guy asks.

"I say it does," Lavender-Haired girl says before throwing the ball at the boy team so they can serve.

Dallas is the one who does the service, I hit it with my left palm, and I'm pretty certain I just broke my wrist. Fannar hits it, then Polka-Dot-Bikini girl, then Fannar again, then me, then no one. The ball rolls on the sand, a wave dragging it into the ocean.

Green-Haired guy curses and jogs to the edge of the ocean to go get the ball. Only, a little boy now has it and refuses to let go of it.

"Listen, kid," he starts, "this is a ball I paid with my money. And I'm broke, kid. So give it back. I'm planning on paying my rent with it."

I bet the kid doesn't understand half the words Green-Haired guy just said, but he still lets go of the ball. Right before he gives it back, he decides otherwise and throws it even further in the water.

"Kiddo," Green-Haired guy starts, "karma will hit you so hard you'll land in North Korea." He then dives in and fetches the ball.

"He's gonna make an amazing father," Fannar says.

I'm the only one who laughs.

*****

We play until Dallas hits his head on a palm tree trying to save the ball.

"Your boyfriend is cute," Lavender-Haired girl tells me during our break which will last until Dallas feels better.

I look at Fannar, sharing his water bottle with the two college guys and laughing at something Green-Haired guy (GHG) said. "Yeah, he is."

"How did you guys meet?"

"Friend of a friend."

"Ah. My favourite meet-cute." She gets up and grabs Fannar's water bottle from Dallas. She comes back and sits on Polka-Dot-Bikini girl's lap. "What do you like about him?"

"He's sweet." The two girls wait for me to continue. I guess "he's sweet" is not enough. Maybe I shouldn't lie to strangers. Maybe I should tell them we aren't really dating and only pretending. Yet again, I could use the practice. "He has the most interesting stories and he actually listens when I tell mine. And... I don't know... Our first date was so awkward, actually. But now, it's like he can read my mind and know what I'm thinking about." Like that time at the party. Or when he texts me out of the blue to check on me. Or when he knows exactly what kind of milkshake I want. I don't tell the girls that. It's my memories to hold on to.

"This is adorable," Lavender-Haired girl says in a sigh. "All the guys I like like someone else." She looks at GHG and tries not to smile, but I guess she must really like him because she smiles nonetheless. "RIP my love life, I guess."

"You should tell him."

Ha. I should take my advice more often.

"Who?"

I move my forehead towards GHG.

"Henry?" She says it in a way that tries to sound grossed-out but leans more to the surprised tone. "Gosh no."

"You don't like him?"

"No. I... I do." She looks at Polka-Dot-Bikini girl like she's trying to have back up, but she says nothing. "But he doesn't like me, so what's the point?"

"Closure?" I try.

She hesitates and shrugs. "One day maybe."

Fannar walks towards me and grins."You ready to go? I got things to teach you." He winks. Lavender-Haired Girl gasps. If I didn't know he was referring to flirting techniques, I would have had the same reaction.

"It was nice meeting you," I say as I get up to LHG and PDBG.

"It was nice meeting you, too," Henry says, high fiving me. I look one last time at Lavender-haired girl who looks adoringly at Henry and then straight at me. I mouth Go for it and follow Fannar who takes my hand and leads the way to the milkshake place.

I don't know why, exactly, I guess it must be because we're doing PDA in front of people, but a butterfly, one single butterfly, appears in my stomach.