I Do Until I Don't

Chapter 32

 After a while of talking and jumping in the waves and looking around, we get hungry, and I propose we go buy us ice cream to fill us up as we find a good place to eat supper.

Fannar orders pistachio and rocky road, and I order mint chocolate and strawberry. We end up sharing because I prefer his pistachio over my strawberry and he prefers my strawberry over his pistachio.

"Sharing is caring," I say when he starts licking the mint chocolate part.

"And I love sharing." He offers me his cone and I take a lick of his rocky road. I wince.

"Waaayy too chocolat-y."

He laughs. "That's the beauty of it."

"How is it that you see the beauty in chocolate but not in─"

"Don't say it," he warns me.

"─ Northern lights?"

He laughs again.

"I knew you'd say that."

"Then answer me."

"For the millionth time, I took them for granted. I never said I didn't like them."

"For the millionth time, how can you possibly take them for granted?"

He shrugs. "I guess I thought they were here to stay."

*****

A man is playing the saxophone in the streets. There is a group of people surrounding him, putting money in his saxophone box or dancing with their children, loved ones or friends. A part of me ─ a small part of me ─ wants Fannar to ask me to dance.

The street is illuminated with fairy lights and the stores, even though most of them are closed at this hour, are still lit up. I feel like I'm part of a carnival.

Fannar puts his hand on my leg, and that's when I realize that I've been tapping my foot on the beat of the music.

"Sorry," I say. "I know tapping my foot stresses you."

Fannar shrugs as to say, No biggy. "Wanna dance?" He says in such a way that he makes it seem like it's completely normal when, actually, I've never danced with a guy before. Even a friend. But there's a gleam in his eyes. And it's not just the lights of the street reflecting in his eyes.

"I will suck," I warn him as I take his hand.

"I don't believe you one sec."

"When was the last time I lied to you?"

Fannar waves me off and drags me to the made-up dancefloor.

"It'll be good practice for your sister's wedding."

About that... should I invite him? I forgot what I said to Mel. Maybe I should. He has spent all his spare time teaching me the art of flirting.

"Well..." Fannar's voice pulls me out of my mental debate. He's flashing me a dashing smile, his hand stretched. I have no other choice than to take it as he pulls me in. One hand is wrapped around my waist, and the other is in mine. "Relax," he says, letting go of my hand to push on my shoulders to make me notice how tense they are.

"Easy for you to say," I shoot back. What if my hand is sweaty? What if... What if he feels the little bumps of fat when his hand rests on my back?

What if my breath stinks?

That's it, I'm not speaking anymore. Not until we stop being so... close to each other. We are so close, I can count the colours in his eyes. I thought they were only ever blue, but they aren't. They are grey and dark blue and light blue and... golden in the center. It's like they are gemstones. Beautiful, shining gemstones that are gazing into mine with way too much interest in them.

Like my eyes are as magical as his.

You deserve someone who looks at you like you're magic.

Fannar spins me once. "See? You're a natural?"

I snort. "Please. Everyone knows how to─" Stop. Talking. You might stink.

"What?" he asks.

I shake my head to make him understand to let it go. He still opens up his mouth to push me to finish my sentence, but the saxophone player speaks in his microphone.

"Thank you all. This will be the last song of the night. Hope you enjoy."

The saxophone player starts playing an upbeat song everyone seems to know because I hear claps and cheers and whistles. Even two little girls start jumping and giggling. Fannar and I share a look. I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't know the song,

"We lack musical culture, right?" Fannar says, spinning me once more and then moving our arm, the one connected by our hands, up and down and I guess this is his definition of dancing.

"Right," I say.

"I like 80s song. And some rock."

I raise an eyebrow.

"What?" he says. "I don't look like a rock kind of guy?"

I shake my head.

"Do I look like a... pop guy?" I shake my head. "Classical?" I shake my head again, biting my lower lip to stop myself from laughing. "Then what? Why aren't you speaking?"

"I'm scared my breath stinks," I finally say.

Fannar is taken aback and stops dancing ─ if you can call it dancing ─ and then bursts into laughter. "Your breath doesn't stink. In fact ─" he leans in "─I can't smell it at all." He pulls me in closer. "Now that we settled this, can you tell me what kind of─"

"Indie pop," I say. "You look like you listen to Indie pop."

Fannar smiles like he's amused by the thought of himself listening to Indie pop. "Well, it's not the worse kind of music," he admits. "And you look like you like a bit of everything."

"Except rap and ─ okay, half the population will hate me ─ k-pop."

"WHAT?" Fannar shouts. "How can you..." And he breaks into a smile. "That's fine. But let me guess why you don't like it." He looks at my face like he can find the answer in my eyes or nose or... lips, and then says, "You're a lyrics kind of girl. And you don't understand what they're saying. Hence, you can't enjoy the songs."

I nod. "You're good."

He leans in, "You like Harvey Specter, but I've always preferred Donna."

Donna and Harvey. That's, like, my biggest ship ever. Is he... Is he implying that we should be together?

He looks at you like you're a Disney princess.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Fannar asks.

"What? No reason."

He kind of looks like a prince. Kinda.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

"No reason."

"I don't believe you."

He shrugs. "I just think that you just smile more. You have a very nice smile."

I smile and look at the floor. But I quickly look back into Fannar's eyes, for they are far more interesting to look at then cement.