Thoughts of a Ham Sandwich

wait and pray

Trigger Warning: death + suicide
If you're struggling, don't suffer alone. There is always someone who cares, I promise.

~~

I haven't prayed in a while
But after tears stained my cheeks for hours
And his phone still went to voicemail
I asked any god, any higher power, for him to be alive

Now I wait and try to sleep
But how can I close my eyes when all I see
Is his lifeless body
Laying limp on the floor
Or hanging from the ceiling
Or at the bottom of the lake

I can't help but imagine his fingernails turned blue
His still muddy boots on his feet
The empty bottle of alcohol at his side
The gun in his right hand

I blame myself
Though friends say I shouldn't
He makes his own choices, after all
But I should have tried harder
Should have told him I loved him

Now I wait
And pray to anything that might be beyond the sky