You said you loved me

15. Suffer

The moment Jimin knew that the right to be a parent had been snatched away from him he shut down. He might as well have died along with his son because even though his heart was pumping he felt dead. He felt like his surroundings were faded. People spoke to him but he couldn't hear them. They gave him their condolences but nothing they could say could make him feel better. Nothing they could do can fill the emptiness he felt in his heart.

Everything from that point on felt pointless. He wished that Taemin had just beaten him to the point of death because the pain he felt was much worse than any physical pain he had ever felt. It felt like he was drowning at the bottom of the ocean with no hope to be saved. His lungs burning and he couldn't breathe. He would much rather deal with thousands of cracked ribs and broken bones than to feel the way he felt now.

He was angry. He was so so angry. He hated Taemin with every fiber of his being. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to watch the life in him drain away slowly as he suffered. But he wasn't just angry at the older man. No, he was infuriated at himself. He should have listened to Yoongi. He should have left the man the second he realized he was having a baby.

He should have put the life of his unborn child above everything. But now it was too late. Now he would never be able to meet him. Never see what he looked like when he grew up. If he liked sports. If he was more book smart, artistic, or both. He wouldn't know what his favorite color was. He wouldn't know what kind of music he enjoyed. He'd never get to take him to his first day of school or see him graduate. He wouldn't even get to hear his first cries. Everything was snatched away from him. All because he didn't listen to Yoongi.

"I just want to be with him. I want to die! Please please I can't take this. I want to be with him! My baby!" he shouted hunching over to put his head in his hands. He ignored every physical pain he felt because the pain he felt in his heart overrode every sensation in his body. He couldn't feel the sharp pain of his cracked ribs with every inhale. He didn't feel the stitches in his head come undone from tugging at his hair. He didn't feel the blood dripping down his arm from tugging at the IV causing it to rip out of his hand. He couldn't focus on anything.

The nurses rushed to his side trying to get him calm down but to no avail. They had no other choice but to sedate him to prevent him to doing more damage to himself. The last thing he saw before going under was Yoongi looking at him with tear filled eyes.

The older hadn't ever seen anyone so broken. He didn't know how to help him. Jimin was broken into so many scattered pieces that Yoongi didn't even know if it was possible to put him back together. Even if he could he knew he'd never be the same. If he managed to glue him back together, by some miracle, he knew there'd be cracks and missing pieces.

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YOU KILLED HIM. YOU!

How could you? You're his dad! You made him! You're supposed to protect him. Keep him safe from all the harm the world would bring. But you ended his life before he could even take his first breath.

If you didn't love me That was fine but I thought you would have at least loved him.

You're a murder, you piece of shit. You took away the only good thing that every would have came from this relationship. How the fuck do you live with yourself? Huh? It should have been you. You don't deserve to keep breathing.

You put me through misery for years! You took me away friends and family I don't even know how to get in contact with them. You ruined me. You ruined my life. God I don't know who to be more angry at you or me! I was such a dumbass falling for a loser like you. I'm such an idiot to believe you when you said you loved me.

This what we had was never love. This ring you gave me mean nothing. The life we created was a waste of time. It fucking breaks my heart bowing that not even my son was made out of love. He was a product all the unwilling nights I couldn't say no to.

I named him Park Haneul if you're wondering. God you have no idea how much it sucks to lose your own child. Its not even like I had a miscarriage early on and my body clean itself out. I had to have surgery. I had to see him. I had to see how skinny and undeveloped he was. I had to figure out if I wanted to bury him or if I wanted him cremated. I had to pick a fucking urn, Taemin! I should have never had to do that.

You've made me suffer for so long yet I never ever could have imagined you would make me suffer in this way.

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Okay so I hate to write author notes on this story cuz it breaks the flow or whatever and I don't wanna do that because of how heavy the topic is but I kinda want to talk to y'all a little.

This chapter was written before I wrote this entire story minus the narration by Jimin. I still hadn't written in Taemin's name it was blank before. It originally didn't even have Jimin and Yoongi's name. It wasn't Yoonmin because I wasn't sure I was even going to make this story about the ship and idk if I even done a great job at even making it Yoonmin.

Also I've gotten several comments about how 'Taemin is always the bad guys in these type of stories' I never intended to make it that way. Like I said when I started writing the name was blank. I don't exactly read stories like this. Yes I read Yoonmin but it's mostly fluff and they're usually single in the story so I've never actually read one where Taemin was the bad guy. The only reason I even wrote his name was because I was struggling to figure out who to put and I was listening to one of his songs so I just said fuck it and wrote his name in cause at the time I just wanted to publish it. I have nothing against Taemin I love that man he's my baby. Anyway that's all.

Hope you liked the chapter