Euthanasia ||Awsten Knight||

24- numbness

I hate my computer.

I was minding my own business waiting outside the studio on a bench, waiting to record with Sleeping With Sirens, when I decided to get my laptop out and see what my teachers had posted since school started.

After a half an hour of reading schedules and class expectations, my laptop crashed and wouldn't turn back on. I had just started to press random buttons, hoping something would work, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey, you're Alex, right?" Someone said. I looked up to see Kellin motherfucking Quinn.

"Yes, I am! Hi!" I said. I was kinda nervous. No, scratch that- I was completely starstruck. My heart was beating really fast.

"What're you doing out here? Everyone's in the studio." He asked, sitting next to me.

"Well, I was studying, but my computer decided to fucking break. I probably need a new one, this one's fucking ancient," I laughed.

"You're in school?" Kellin asked.

"Yeah, senior in college,"

"How do you do that with all your career?"

"With great stress and difficulty." I said as we got up, heading back to the studio.

I finished recording my part before our lunch break. I decided to head down to best buy to get a new computer, getting back to the studio while Kellin was recording his vocals.

I opened and set up my new computer, logging into my school's website and beginning to take notes in a separate document. Hours seemed to pass while I was studying, and soon enough Nixie tapped my shoulder, signalling that we were heading back to the hotel. I gave a thumbs up in response, packing up my new laptop.

"Hey, Alex?" I heard Kellin call my name.

"Yeah?" I turned back to him.

"You did a really good job today," He complimented me. I smiled in response, leaving the studio.

I fell into a routine when we got back to Denver. Wake up at 7am. Get coffee and pop tarts for breakfast. Lay in bed watching my professors drone on and on about the deeper meaning of the Odyssey and some music theory compound time signature bullshit on my computer screen. Have Nixie or someone pick up a McDonald's happy meal for me. Talk and FaceTime with Awsten. Life was good.

That is, until that bitch showed up.

I was hanging out at a Starbucks when I saw him. He wore a t shirt, blazer, and jeans, ordering his drink, and sitting down across the room. As soon as I saw him, I pulled up my good and tried to make myself scarce. Then the barista called my fucking name, forcing me to blow my cover and get my latte. A sick smile twisted his lips when he saw me.

He walked over to me.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while. I thought I said to keep in touch?" He stood in front of me, blocking my path.

"No, you didn't. Now will you please move your ass?" I tried to maneuver around him, but he stopped me quickly.

"Now, Sadie, That's no way to treat your dad."

Oh. He brought out the deadname. Okay. I was momentarily vulnerable, fighting off the wave of dysphoria that surged over me. Eventually I just turned and left, leaving my father standing alone in a coffee shop, the same sick smile on his stupid fucking face.

This was gonna be a long ass year.