Falling for my bestfriend

My new distraction? - Chapter 10

Jay was released from jail the next morning, as soon as I got the news I tried to rush over to his house but my mum told me it was too soon.
After breakfast I retired back up to my room and peered at my face in the mirror. God, I had really let myself go... this must be what depression looked like I thought to myself.

I decided it was time for a self care day, I put on some calming music and had a bubble bath. I washed my hair and put some rollers in as I wanted a curly look for college tomorrow. I mean if everyone was going to be staring at me because of the Tyrone situation, I might as well look good..
I put on a face mask and gave myself a mani-pedi to cheer myself up, I felt good and more relaxed.

Around 6pm I decided that it was no longer 'too soon' to see Jay, and told my mum I was going to his house. I put on my black leggings and one of Jays oversized hoodies that he had left here, I shoved my feet into some slides and made my way to his door.
He answered looking exhausted and rough, I couldn't contain myself and pulled him straight in for a hug. His body instantly relaxed in my arms and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered in his ear.

"It wasn't your fault Ally" He said pulling away from my embrace.

I followed him inside and up to his bedroom. Once there, he told me that the police had dropped the charges as several witnesses from the party had come forward. Once the police were informed it was a sexual assault case, and that Jay had attacked Tyrone in my defence, they let him go. Jay tried to convince me to go to the police station and confirm Tyrone's attempted rape, but I refused. I knew it would be a waste of time and didn't want to relive it. Rape cases always went dry these days, I couldn't bear to be called a liar or be told that I didn't have enough evidence. Jay accepted my decision in the end.

I asked him if he had spoken to Amber since he had gotten out, but he said he hadn't... he said he wasn't even sure what to say to her. I filled him in about her surprise visit to me and he looked shocked.
I asked him about her potential self harming and to my surprise he opened up about it.

"Yeah... I couldn't believe it when I found out. It's true she cuts herself" he said sinking into the bed.

"But where? I've never seen any marks on her arms" I said confused.

"She doesn't do it in obvious places, she goes for places people are less likely to see. Like on her stomach or her upper thighs, places that are easily covered up. She had therapy for it in the past but I don't think it helped" he said sighing.

This revelation still shocked me, Amber seemed so confident and I couldn't picture her doing it.

"There was something else she said too" I said now feeling nervous.
—"she told me that she doesn't feel like you love her... the way you love me, what does she mean?" I asked.

Jay sat up and looked at me, he leaned in close and told me he had to explain himself.

"Ally I didn't want to tell you this but you might as well know now...
You see, when me and Amber first got together it was because I thought she was easy... I know that makes me sound like a dickhead, and I guess I kind of was back then but it's the truth. I just wanted to have sex and get more experience, to be honest I thought that's all she wanted too!" He said rubbing his head.
— "Anyway I made the first move and she practically threw herself at me.. so I thought she was up for it, but it was weird... It's like as soon as the kissing stopped and it was time for the sex she was hesitant. I thought it was me coming on too strong... until she showed me her scars" he said as his eyes filled with sadness.

He took a deep breath and tapped his knee anxiously.

"I mean what the hell do you do after you see that? I was so shocked, I just felt sorry for her and didn't know what to do with myself. She told me that I was the only person she felt comfortable showing her scars to, and that I made her feel safe. She even told me she loved me... I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I just said it back" he said.