Falling for my bestfriend

A man on a mission - Chapter 30

It sounds silly but after my nap I really wanted to get to know myself better and analyse my chaotic behaviour, especially with boys.
Jays words really dug deep. My respect for him was real but why couldn't I show him that? It was like I was so boy crazy and obsessed with any guy that gave me attention i'd often forget about the amazing man I got to call my boyfriend.

After hours and hours of thinking I finally realised why I was taking Jay for granted and giving into all of this male attention. Growing up I got zero acknowledgement from guys and they would barely even look in my direction long enough to give me the time of day. I guess it wasn't even just me, it was honestly black girls in general. Especially darker girls like myself, and now all of a sudden I had guys wanting me, calling me 'chocolate drop' and 'melanin princess' and other silly pet names. All of a sudden it was 'the darker the berry the sweeter the juice' and I didn't know how to act. I mean how do you go from never being on any guys radar to finally getting noticed?

Don't get me wrong I loved the change I was seeing from guys who we're finally noticing the beauty in girls who weren't the typical Beyoncé, Alicia keys, Nicki Minaj look-a-like if you catch my drift... but I didn't know how to deal with it. I guess now that I was finally getting attention and my beauty wasn't going unnoticed, I was just trying to lap it all up before guys decided they didn't like girls like me anymore again. I guess that was just my insecurities though... that and secretly feeling like I wasn't good enough for Jay. I mean in my eyes he was perfect! So it made sense for me to believe he'd leave me one day. I guess I felt like if I at least had guys on the side it wouldn't hurt as much when he did.

But fuck all that! Things were going to change! I've realised I don't need all these guys to fuck with me. I just need Jay, my baby, my boyfriend, and hopefully my husband and father to my kids one day. I needed to prove that to him and quick!

I dragged Sam out to our local shopping centre much to her displeasure, as I wanted to buy Jay something nice to apologise. I was hoping I might even find his birthday gift if I was lucky. I was feeling worse for ware as my drunkenness had quickly faded into the hangover from hell. I didn't even need to ask Sam how she was feeling as it was written all over her face.

"Look sis ima need a little pick me up if your gonna have me looking crazy in this mall" Sam said putting on her sunglasses in an attempt to cover her smudged makeup. Im sorry but I refused to give her time to touch it up after her nap, it's not my fault she's such a rough sleeper. Plus she takes ages to do her makeup, and I dont have time for that. I was a man on mission! (Operation: Get Jay to love me again).

"Girl I will get you an iced coffee as soon as we're done I promise, but now I need you to focus! What do you think Jay would like?" I asked as I turned to face her.

All I received was silence and a death glare in response.

"Ok ok! Coffee first, then the presents. Gotcha" I said without hesitation.

When Sam finally shuts up she means business. We ran to Mc Donald's were I bought her a large caramel iced frappe topped with some whipped cream. The smile on her face after she took that first sip said it all. She was finally happy and ready to help.

"Perfect. Now... a present for Jay.. hmmm. He's always on that stupid PlayStation why don't you get him some of the latest games" she said before taking another sip of her drink.

"Omg your brilliant! Great idea" I said grabbing her arm and pulling her to the game store.

Once we got there I didn't know which games Jay would like, so decided to ask the worker if he could recommend any. Of course the mother fucker chose the most expensive ones! I tried not to think of the cash loss as Jay was worth every penny, I mean we're talking about the guy who's literally saved my life on many occasions, it's the least I could do. I picked up three and closed my eyes as I paid. God, I barely even spent this much money on myself.