the period project

rant ninety-five: sneezes

@da_hansen 

Okay, so I'm just sitting in the car as we're driving to this Mexican restaurant in my town, when suddenly, I feel a sneeze coming on. And of course I deem it unimportant information, and just let it take it's course, but then as my family and I are walking through the doors of the restaurant, I go ACHOOOO!!!!! You know, the kind of sneeze where snot appears and any fluids that were in your body are expelled in an ugly process? Yeah, that's what happened. So, I sneeze horrifically and then suddenly realize, my ass is wet. I'm wearing jean shorts, and I can just FEEL the blood dripping down my thighs. When in that situation you do the logical thing and ask someone if there's blood on your butt, right? Yeah, there was just one problem with that, the only people I had access to were, my brother, my dad, and my uncle! I mean, why is it that TODAY has to be the day that my mom and aunt decide to have a girl's day without me???!!!!!

Since asking somebody definitely isn't an option, I do the next best thing and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. When I get there I take my shorts off and examine the back. There's a bright red splat right in the middle. But since I'm the stupid girl that I am, I DON'T HAVE ANY PADS WITH ME!!!! So I turn to the the toilet paper and napkin dispensers right? They. Are. Both. Empty!!!! Why is karma doing this to me!!!!! By this time I have just given up on succeeding at hiding the stain.

I walk back out to the table and finish my dinner, all the while sitting uncomfortably in a puddle of my own bodily fluid. And just as we're walking out the door, my brother says, "I can see the blood on your butt, THAT's why you've been grumpy!"

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!