the period project

rant fifty-eight: during my period

anonymous 

When I'm on my period...

Step 1) wake up in the morning in my favorite pajamas. pull back my covers and realize with horror:

OH MY GOD.

LOOK WHO IT IS.

AUNT FLOW HAS COME TO STAY WITH US.

OH GOOD.

How am I going to get these bloody sheets past Dad?

Step 2) grab a pad and run to the bathroom.

Step 3) pull down my pants and realize my underwear is ruined and I need to go back and get a pair of underwear.

Step 4) put on a pad and realize how EXTREMELY HUNGRY I AM

Step 5) walk as carefully as I can down the stairs so that the blood won't be like WHEEEEEE

Step 6) smuggle all the food in the house back up to my room

Step 7) put on some jams

Step 8) eat everything while rereading After

Step 9) GODDAMMIT HARRY WHY WONT YOU JUST LOVE TESSA

Step 10) cry

Step 11) comment on every paragraph EXPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS IN ALL CAPS

Step 12) GODDAMMIT LORDE I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE EFFING TENNIS COURT