Truth Or Dare

twenty four

When I was young, my mother told me not to love. She said it makes you stupid.

It wasn't the most insightful thing I've ever heard- and at the time it meant absolutely nothing to me. But at this current moment, it meant everything as I realized that there was a chance I loved Aspen.

She was right. I could hear her saying I told you so as my hands curled through Aspen's hair sinfully.

After everything, I never wanted to be near him again. Even now my body shook with an overwhelming amount of emotion.

My life had turned to shit. I realized how whole Aspen made me feel and let myself get used to it. Without it, I was incomplete. For all the time spent in the hospital, I felt empty. Desperate nights filled with me glancing out of the window when I was home waiting for Aspen's return but getting nothing new. He left again and what worried me was that he didn't return.

That was until tonight.

Waking up to gentle banging on my door was frightening, but drunk Aspen smoking outside my place was worst.

Aspen never smoked or drunk. Finding him like this had me questioning everything. Did I really know him?

Before I could stop him- he lunged at me into a tight hug. Slurring words like "I miss you" or "I'm sorry" left my heart sinking.

Without being able to stop myself, I wrapped my arms around him. My shirt felt wet where his head sat and I realized that it was tears.

Aspen was crying.

Tingles splattered all around my body. It felt like someone gripped my common sense and threw it out the door when I pulled him inside.

"I'll get you some water." Before he could make anything out of my words, I snatched the cigarette out of his hand smashing it against the wall and dropping it on the floor.

Seeming frustrated and sad, Aspen leaned against the wall for support and breathed heavily.

You can't be doing this again Delilah.

He hurt you.

He hurt you, Delilah.

Subconsciously, my hands tugged at my hair as water plunged into a half-full glass. The echo of the cup filling up was nulled by my distress. So much was going but at the same time, it was so little. I knew I didn't have to stay with him and deal with this but I needed to.

At the end of summer, I would have taken myself out of this. I wouldn't have relied on someone for my own happiness. Now Aspen was a part of me. My worst fear came true and I was fighting for it to stay.

Moisture fell onto my hands as the cup overflowed and I brushed off my thoughts. Turning off the faucet with one hand and carrying the cup with the other, I left the kitchen.

"Drink." I muttered unsure of how to act.

A part of me thought that this was my fault. He could've been out drinking because I didn't want him around. But another part believed that I had the right to take myself away from him.

Guilt spread inside me as I watched the sulking boy loom over our green armchair. The color-managed to make him look even more lost as the light from the kitchen reflected off his face.

Any emotion I had rung out as his eyes met mine. I shifted in discomfort. His stare never seemed to break as I kept my eyes downcast.

"Look at me."

I couldn't.

"Please, Delilah. Look at me."

My eyes clenched shut. Panic sent through me as I felt more used than ever before. This is a lie.

Standing inside my living room with him again felt unreal.

We weren't here. Aspen wasn't here.

The term we had my heart jumping as a warm hand slid down my face painfully slow.

"Delilah baby" his breath fanning against my neck sent chills through me.

"Please. I need you."

Without realizing my eyes opened to widen at his words. He sounded so raw, so wounded.

The blue in his eyes sparkled as he acknowledged that I finally looked at him.

"I-I need you." He repeated. "You don't have to forgive me. It's gonna sound unrealistic but you've changed me Delilah." Tingles rushed through the side of my face where he caressed it. The intensity in his eyes was almost too much for me to swallow.

"I want to fix myself for you babygirl."

Water built up in my eyes as I watched the broken boy in front of me pour his heart out. As he saw me tearing up, he warily pulled me into a hug as if scared that I would push him away.

My arms wrapped around his as the tears left my eyes.

I felt myself break at all the possibilities of what could happen to Aspen and my relationship. There was too much worry.

Being aware of every little action in my relationship wasn't how I wanted to live. Despite that, there was no doubt that my feelings for Aspen were so strong that it scared me. The word love appeared in my head and my eyes widened into saucers.

This wasn't the first time I'd thought about loving him. But right now as he was in my arms it felt more real than ever.

The fear inside of me intensified as I reminded myself that Aspen wasn't what I thought he would be.

Tears soaked my shirt and my heart plummeted with the knowledge that what I was about to do wouldn't make him feel any better.

My hands moved to pull his face away from mine but I paused when I felt his soft skin under my fingertips. There was so much to love about this boy.

He deserved so much but clearly wasn't ready for a relationship. It had taken me all this time to realize that I wasn't ready either. Everything that happened lately hurt me to the core. I couldn't handle letting someone else in right now.

The realization stabbed me right in the heart as I looked into Aspen's beautiful eyes.

"I-I can't Aspen." My eyes clenched shut. "There's too much going on. We can't do this."

With haste, he pulled away from me with hurt eyes.

"What do you mean, Deli?" He asked gently.

Silence filled the room as I gathered my thoughts but Aspen beat me to talk.

"You can't! I need you."

His hands ruffled through his hair as he paced around the room.

"You were my first kiss, angel."

My heart felt like it was being torn out of my chest. No, Delilah. Don't listen. You can't handle this right now.

Tears rushed down my face as my lip quivered.

"You are everything to me."

My hands shook as I reached out to touch him but the look of confusion had me stop.

"I'm so sorry." I stopped to breathe as tears continued dropping on the floor.

"I think we were meant to be... But we did it wrong."

As those words slipped out my mouth, Aspen walked to the door clearly distraught.

"I love you, angel."

After those words left his lips he closed the door leaving the sound echoing throughout the house.

Choked sobs left my mouth as I slid down the wall. I was alone now.

A/N

I'm sorry about this one.

But on the other hand, this is the end of part one!!

Kinda sad, I know.

Goodnight kids.