What If Our Life Threads Bind?

Chapter 29.

I rocked back and forth on my toes as my eyes flit from the history textbook in my hand to the examination hall's door. I choked down the rising bile and consciously flexed my trembling hand, feeling at last the pain of my digging nails on my palms. This is what anxiety feels like.

When a ping from my phone inside my jeans pocket vibrated through the cloth, I almost bit my tongue in two and winced, fishing out my phone from my pocket. What the message read earned a small smile from my lips and some of the tension dissolved in the air.

"Let's go. They have opened the gates." Margo said but I wasn't listening.

Austin: All the best, Martha. Do well. I know you will. <3

I kept staring at the screen, re reading the message over and over again-absorbing it; trying to believe in it- hoping he was here to say it to me himself. We have been interacting so much lately that the intimacy almost feels so true and new- like a first new love. He even commented on my recent profile picture with a fire and a bomb emoticon alongside two red hearts.

I felt a wave of heat flushing over my cheeks as I thought of the day before that when I answered a pop up question he had posted recently on his profile, 'What if I lose my memory, how would you make me remember you?'

I thought a lot about the answer and whether even should I answer him. Deciding that I should give it a go, I took an hour to decide what to write to him; thought of all the moments we had shared. I can't tell him about the artificial rain dance at five in the morning in the middle of catching Samuel because then he would think of me as a creep, I can't tell him how I felt about him when he grabbed my hairband because then he'll think that I am into him and I can't remind him about that crazy annoyance I felt when I got to know that he smokes because that would embarrass him and me more.

Thinking of all I could think of, I decided on writing about the first day we ever met when I took his money and left, without paying him back- and hit send. He replied almost immediately with three laughing emojis.

Austin: Who would remember this?

I felt embarrassed. Maybe this was not the most memorable thing to remind someone. Well, for me it was when I consider a rom-com novel or a movie. We didn't know each other's name, he payed the money and I forgot to give it back- either a start to a romantic story or nothing.

Honestly. What was I thinking? Who would remember this?

Very confidently, I wrote a reply to him.

Me: Okay then, you tell me. What makes you think of me?

He took some time to answer to that and there it was, blowing me away like a balloon being hit by a safety pin.

Austin: Nothing specific.

Why did I even ask that question? I had questioned myself before I forced myself to forget that all of it ever happened and prepare for the upcoming exams. Maybe I wasn't so special to him. Why would I be? This is real life.

Unless, we shared something unforgettable.

"Earth to Martha." Ansel tapped on my shoulder and I recovered. I nodded at him, as he pushed forward near the hall gate. I groaned audibly, oblivious to the metal tinctured air as I entered the building.

...

We were back to the Fall Corner, ordered french fries and softies. It took me some time to understand that Chuck and Ashton were not as close with Ansel as they had seemed in the beginning. Ansel said he had work and wouldn't join us so it was just the four of us- Margo, me, Chuck and Ashton.

"Okay, so what flavor?"

"I haven't tried much." Ashton licked his lips when he looked at Margo and I, and I blushed while Chuck frowned and then smirked.

"Listen." Margo started on a serious note. "We were talking about softie flavors but I guess, you're talking about some other kind of flavors. We are not on the same page." She giggled in the end when Ashton grinned, nodding.

I looked away when I heard Chuck laughing, "Get a room, guys!"

Is it just me or are we really doing an awkward sex talk here? Why am I the only one getting uncomfortable here?

"Let's just order something." I blurted out and they nodded, coming back to normal. I sighed and looked at the menu, asking myself at the back of my question how should I make things go merry-go-round crazy between Austin and I.

Maybe we should go out on a movie or some trip together? A long drive?

But what if he is not interested. Besides, who is going to ask him out? Not me. No.

And then after a minute or so of staring into the blankness of air, I got an idea. I can't be unforgettable but I can be memorable in my own way. Kindness and care, always pays off- no matter what method you adopt.

I took out my phone and quickly typed him a message:

Me: Thinking of you. All the best for tomorrow's test. Do well :)

Our order had come and my friends were making sexual jokes again, so I pretended to be busy with my phone for a little longer when suddenly my phone is snatched out of my hands.

"Hey!" I shoot a glance at Margo who had my phone and looked at it.

"Oooh! Austin, huh? The same guy you have a crush on?" Margo teased and I slapped her hand.

"Its nothing." I said, snatching my phone back from her.

"Oh please. The way you look at him, 'smitten' is written all over your face all the fucking time. You both should go out some time. A movie, a carnival or something." She lit a cigarette and put it inside her mouth.

"Yeah, or some rendezvous in a hotel room." Chuck winked and I grimaced.

"Just the two of you..between the sheets. Sounds about right." Ashton added, earning an even deeper scowl from me.

"Is this all you can think of?" I rolled my eyes at them and then Margo shot a curious glance at me. She puffed out some smoke and I coughed.

"Oh, so you want to have something going on between you two. You're asking for advice, aren't you?" She wiggled her eyes and grinned. Three pair of eyes stared at me till I felt my whole face on fire. Do I want this...anything happening between Austin and I? Am I supposed to?

Why aren't they quitting staring at me like that? I groaned at their amused expressions.

"I didn't mean it like that." I squeaked.

"Of course, you didn't." Margo said solemnly that made me laugh a little and then everyone was laughing.