Eight for a Wish - 23

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Lots of POV switching this chapter.

Summer 15, Year 1

I feel awful. I don't remember if I showered three days ago or four days ago. It's been anxiety attack after anxiety attack. I just need to stay somewhere dark and familiar, so I stay in my room. There's a dull pain in my stomach that I choose to ignore. I'm hugging my knees to my chest and shaking. My muscles hurt from tensing so much.

What one person can do to you. After her allergic reaction, she hugged me and told me that she wouldn't leave. She'd be there for me. At the time, I believed her. But things have just gotten bad.

I keep thinking about those few words.

"Hey. I'm not going anywhere."

I keep thinking about them, and how much it's going to hurt when she inevitably does leave.

More lies. More false hope. No one will ever be there for you, Sebastian. Your own father didn't even want you.

I've never gotten the concept of having a 'voice in your head' that's telling you things. There's no other voice. It's just me, telling me the truth.

And god, that hug. My hands around my waist, I try to re-feel that hug. I'm not really comfortable with a lot of physical touch, but what was it about that hug that felt so nice? I guess I felt... protected. Cared about. Loved, for once in my life.

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Y/N's POV

You, Sam, and Abby pulled out the cards from a drawer in Sam's room. Sebastian had texted Sam earlier saying he couldn't hold the Solarian Chronicles session today, as work was piling up fast.

It felt fake. He hasn't come out of his house, you doubted even his room, in days. While that was definitely normal for him when you first met him, it wasn't so much now. You took out your phone and sent a quick text.

'Haven't seen you in a while :(. Work treating you that bad?'

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Sebastian's POV

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I debated if I should look at it or just leave it be. Probably a wrong number. Nonetheless, I checked it immediately.

It was from her. She must have heard that I told Sam I'm busy with work. Well, she must have heard that I lied to Sam I'm busy with work. I don't want her to worry over me, because I'm nothing to worry about. If anything, I should be worrying over her. God, why am I the one hiding? Why am I being the victim here? I'm not the victim.

"No, no..." I mumbled to myself, feeling my muscles tense and hot tears run down my cheeks again. I don't think my body can take another panic attack. I tried to take a calming breath, but I inhaled sharp and shakily.

My trembling fingers managed to type something close to a sentence.

'Yeah. don't wrory about me.'

That should be good enough, disregarding the typo. No details about how I'm doing. Nothing about when she'll see me again. Perfectly ambiguous.

____

Y/N's POV

You didn't really know how to feel about it. 'Don't worry about me' he says. But after catching that glimpse into his real life, into how he really feels, you thought him being alone for this long did more harm than good. What worsened the situation was how Abby and Sam pretty much ignored it all. They paid no mind to Sebastian not being there.

Sam knows this is bad for Sebastian. He told you everything about his best friend's past.

"It's a good thing we scheduled this for today," Abby chimed, looking out the window into the thundering clouds.

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