I Don't Share

18: What I'd Rather Be Doing

When we got back home, Spencer was sitting on our doorstep, arms crossed, a frown on her face.

"Ooooh. She really does not look happy at the moment." Jon said as I parked the car. Instead of going through the front door, he ran up to the garage and opened it. Brad followed him inside the garage, leaving me to deal with her. I sighed and got out of the car. As I approached her, she looked up.

"Hey, I'm not here to blackmail you or cuss you out for what you did to Ariana's room. As a matter of fact, she really deserved it. I'm here to say sorry about everything. When I first moved here, you were so nice to me and I totally stomped all over you. I'm appalled at myself for giving in to her antics. She just made me feel like I owed it to her, since I dated her in my old city and all." As she said all this, she started to tear up. I sighed and sat down next to her.
"You really didn't do anything. Except for kiss me, I guess. Ariana is just an evil witch. And hey, I really miss our friendship." I bumped her shoulder with mine.
"I wish I would have pursued you instead of falling for Ariana again. I had a big crush on you ever since I met you. And now you're with Jessica, and y'all are so perfect together. I messed up everything, I'm really sorry."
"Please don't say that. I'm happy about where I am in life, and I'm happy with Jessica. You can't tell me you were into me or else it will stay in the back of my head. We should become friends again, though. As long as you're completely done with Ariana." I said and crossed my arms. I can't fall for Spencer again. It isn't smart. She's already thrown so many red flags at me. But, I don't know. I feel like Spencer and I have a way better connection. Plus, she lives right next to me! Her dad loves me, but Jessica's parents love me too! I need to stop. Jessica is my girlfriend and I want to keep it that way.
"I would love to be friends with you again. Ariana is cancelled." We hugged and then got up. I wasn't sure if I should invite her in, or say goodbye...

Then my phone buzzed. Jason texted me!

What's up A? What's the status on that whole nude fiasco? Jack still single? Paul is asking.

Hey man! Crisis avoided. You should see what we did to her room. I'll attach a photo. Yes, he's single. Send a photo of Paul.

Will do. I miss you! Break is coming up, could we drive up there for a few days? Jack could meet him.

Of course. Alright, have to go. I'll text you soon!

I looked back up. Spencer was just staring out at the neighborhood waiting. "Sorry, important business. What are you doing tonight?" I decided to ask.

"Movie night with my dad before he leaves to New York for a week. We're probably watching all the John Wick movies. He should be coming home any minute,  join us?" I thought about it for a second. Then my phone chimed again. This time it was Jessica.

Just got home from the mall. Come over so I can model for you? Got some pretty sexy things...

I sighed. Another crossroads in my life. Was I feeling it tonight? No. Should I probably be a good girlfriend and go to Jessica's house instead of watching my favorite movie series with Spencer? Yes. What am I going to do?

I ended up sitting in Spencer's room, waiting for her father to get home. Sometimes the way the mind works is really confusing. No regrets. I laid back in her bed and looked up at the glow in the dark stars she put up on her ceiling. She laid next to me. Then she clapped twice and the lights turned off. The stars glowed so brightly; it was cute. I need to invest in some. 

"Everything is good with Jessica?" I glanced at Spencer to see her biting her lip. 

"She is amazing and all, but I feel like there's something missing. I cant figure out what it is, but the sparks are kind of dull..." I trailed off and continued to look at the ceiling.

"Well, do you love her? Do you spend every moment of the day, thinking about the things you love about her, the little things she does to put a smile on your face?" She was getting somewhere with this.

We were silent for a long time. Did I love Jessica? I mean, I like the way she squeezes my hand three times when she grabs it, like she is saying I love you without saying it. But... it still feels dull. When we went to the beach, it almost felt as if I didn't want to be there. As if I had rather been doing something else as I was laying in the waves. Spencer's pinkie brushed my hand and I got butterflies. I should have gone to Jessica's house... This is wrong. Spencer's dad poked his head in and smiled big when he saw I was there.

"Finally, my two favorite girls back  together, popcorn's in the microwave, movie loaded. Whenever y'all are ready." He danced down the hall. 

I grabbed Spencer's hand and we walked to the living room. Her dad was already nestled under three blankets, a bowl of popcorn in his lap and another on the love seat. We sat down and Spencer threw a blanket over us. I cuddled slightly into her side and smiled a little. Now this, is what I want to do.