With and Without You (A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

5

On the ride back to his hotel, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.  They were like two teenagers again. They had a good time at the after party but after several drinks they were ready to be alone.

They pried themselves a part long enough to walk through the hotel lobby. Once inside the elevator he pushed her against the wall, his mouth crashed into hers, his tongue invading her mouth. His hand ran up her shirt, his finger traced over the scar below her ribcage and she jumped. She pushed his hand down and out of her shirt. The elevator doors opened and he pulled himself off her. She fixed her shirt,  putting it back in place.  He took her hand and led her into his  hotel room. Once inside the room he kissed her again walking her backwards into the bedroom. She stopped short of the door, "Let's have a drink and let me finish my interview.  Then I'm all yours" she said.  He smiled at her and walked her over to sit on the couch. He pulled out his bottle of expensive whiskey and poured them each a glass. Even though they were already feeling good and a bit drunk from the drinks they had at the after party, one more drink wouldn't hurt.

She began her questions with "How does it feel being on stage singing to such a large crowd of screaming fans"?

He smiles and says, "Well it's always a bit overwhelming, even after all these years. Tonight was especially wonderful though, because the girl I wrote all my best songs about was in audience. She was there and it felt like the way life was supposed  to have always been."

Vivian looked at him and said, "But life wouldn't have been like this for you if I hadn't left when I did. If I would have stayed, you wouldn't have taken that record deal. You wouldn't have gone away and recorded your album. You would have felt obligated to stay with your stupid pregnant girlfriend. You would have thrown away your chance to live your dream, and I couldn't let that happen. And after seeing you on stage tonight I know I made the right decision. You belong onstage, your life is exactly how its supposed to be."

Jordan sat there, silently thinking about what she had said. He was focused on just one word, pregnant. Had she been pregnant when she left him? "Did you say you were pregnant when you left me? You were pregnant? Why the fuck am I just hearing I have a child. Did you keep the baby? If so where is it? Was it a boy or girl?" His voice was angry and harsh.

Vivian's eyes filled with tears. Oh my God,  he thinks I had the baby and kept it from him. " Oh no Jordan we don't have a child, I didn't, I couldn't.." He interrupted her "Oh my, Vivian did you lose the baby?" He was standing right in front of her now.  She needed space. She needed space between them. She couldn't tell him the truth with him standing so close to her. She needed to at least be out of arms reach. Not that Jordan had ever hit her before. But after learning what she did he just might tonight.

Vivian crossed the room and put the couch between them. "Jordan let me explain. After you and I had that big fight, you said you never wanted to see me or hear from me again. And you left for California to sign your record deal. I waited to hear from you, a month went by and nothing.  So I packed up and moved home. I put in a transfer to UCLA for the spring semester. I spent winter break in Dallas, recovering."

Jordan squinted his eyes at her and asked, "Recovering? Recovering from what?"

Tears where falling down her cheeks now. "I'm so sorry Jordan, from having an abortion" she sobbed. Seeing her sob like this broke his heart, but hearing the words she spoke broke his. He felt the anger rising inside him. He felt a hate for her again. She had killed their child. How could she?

She saw his fists and his jaw clench. She saw the look in his eyes. The anger she saw there scared her.  She went for the door, he flew over the couch at her.  Her hand was on the knob, she began to pull the door open for her exit. Jordan's hand came down on the door, slamming it shut. His hand made a loud slapping noise against the wood. She jumped at the sound. When the door itself slammed, she fell to the floor. Her hands covered her face instinctively.  Jordan stepped back, looking at her through his tears. He was confused, he hadn't touched her. He would never, she knew that.  But when he knelt down beside her, his hand touching her arm, she began begging him not to hurt her. His eyes widened and he pulled his hand back. She just sat there knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees, hands covering her face. She was making herself as small as possible. He couldn't watch her like this. He picked her up, cradling her in his arms. He carried her over to the couch and laid her down. She still sobbed, but she had stopped begging him not to hurt her.

What the hell just happened? he thought. What caused this reaction from her? Why would she think I was going to hurt her? His mind wandered. Her ex husband. His eyes flew over to her. His thoughts were all over the place. The scars. Her ex-husband. What was it she had said about when she came to his show three years ago? Her husband couldn't know she was gone? Was he abusive? Did he cause the scars on her face and neck and that big scary fucking looking scar under her ribs? I'll fucking kill him. My poor Vivian. 

He sat with her head in his lap as she finally slept peacefully.  She had been crying in her sleep until he sat down and touched her face. She calmed under his loving touch. That made him feel better. He knew he should still be mad at her, for what she did, for what she kept from him. For the choice she took from him. But seeing how broken she truly was made him forget how angry he should be. His heart shattered for her. How could anyone hurt her like she'd been hurt? She was a beautiful soul, kind and loving. She was perfection. He never should have left her. He should have stayed and made everything work with them. He never should have stopped looking for her.