With and Without You (A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

11

They decided on a short engagement. It seemed like they'd been waiting their whole relationship. First they had waited for her to be ready to have sex. Then they waited for her to move to Boston to go to college. At that point it seemed like their wait was over. They were together, finally living in the same city, going to the same college. Then she waited a month for him to come back after a fight and he waited longer to reach out to her. Then she was gone. And he waited nine long years to find her again. His wait was finally over. They were finally going to have the life they always wanted.

First thing they did was go back to New York. Vivian offered to write for the magazine but not in a staff position. She wanted to be free to travel with Jordan. He split his time between Boston and California. They decided to get place together in Boston for their permanent residence. They talked about selling her New York apartment but chose not to, they both like New York and thought having a place there might be nice. She did pack up all her essentials to take back to Boston.

Jordan enjoyed being in her apartment on New York. It was so Vivian, decorated exactly how he would have imagined her adult home would be. He couldn't help but notice the photo strips, all of them, from the photo booth on the board walk framed together and sitting on her desk. He knew as a writer this is where she spent most of her time. So she was always looking at them when she was writing.

Her bookshelf caught his attention, he saw his name, written along the spine of a large leather bound book. He pulled it from the shelf and sat down. He flipped it open to the first page and realized it was a scrapbook. It was filled with photos, articles from newspapers and magazines. She'd kept up with him, his success, his failures, his love life, his everything that was made public.

But what he found most wonderful was the section devoted to him and her. Tons of photos, he saw some he'd never seen before. There was one photo in particular that melted his heart. It was one Vivian had no idea was being taken at the time. She had the biggest smile on her face, one hand was in her hair pushing it out of her face. She was looking at Jordan, he was looking at her, his smile matched hers. He couldn't stop looking at the picture. He finally looked away from the picture when he heard Vivian come back into the room. "Hey babe, when was this picture taken? Look at how in love we were. I love it."

Vivian sat down beside him and looked at the picture. "Jordan, sweetie, this is right after we met. Angie took this when we first sat down and started getting to know each other. Before we went for that first walk on the beach together. So I'm pretty sure we weren't in love yet."

"Speak for yourself love, I knew I loved you the very first moment I saw you. I just didn't know it yet."

They went through more pages of pictures of them together. She loved her Prom pictures. He was surprised to see a photo of his naked back and half of his butt. "Umm when did you take this?"
She giggled, "When I snuck out to spend the night in your hotel room."

His letters were all in the book too. He got a kick out of them.

Vivian tried to put the book away, telling him they needed to finish packing stuff. He turned the page, there they were at a college football game. She even had the tickets to the game in the book. Then some pictures of them and all their friends playing pool and drinking one New Years. Then one last photo of them together, at his sisters wedding, in that sexy mauve dress. It was the last night they were together. "I still have that dress, in my old closet at my parents house. It was all you left behind when you ran off when I was in California. I could never make myself get rid of it, it smelled like you for years. When I'd get really sad about you, I'd go there and be able to feel close to you by smelling you. Then one day it didn't smell like you anymore. It was almost like losing you all over again." She had no words for him, she squeezed his hand.

He turned the page, there was a sonogram photo. He thought maybe it was the baby she lost with Jason. Then he realized, by her reaction and her apology, that it was his. He touched the little speck on the fuzzy picture. Then quickly turned the page.

There were more photos of him performing, the two ticket stubs from the two shows she went to. The one she left before seeing him and the one she attended part of.

There was nothing after those tickets. He knew what happened to her the night of that second concert. She stopped following him and his career after that. His fingers trailed over that last ticket, a sad expression on his handsome face. "I know what you're thinking Jordan and you're wrong."

"How do you know what I'm thinking, beautiful?"

"Because I know you. There's no deep meaning behind that ticket being the last thing in my Jordan book." She reached into one of her desk drawers and pulled out a thick folder, full of interviews, articles, pictures of him over the last couple of years. "I've never stopped following your career. It was always the one good thing in my life. I felt like my decision all those years ago helped you get where you are. By letting you and our chance for a life together go, nothing would be in your way."

Now he had no words. He smiled and squeezed her hand. "I've got other stuff too. I have a box of stuff that I kept of yours." She went to her hall closet, pulled down a box marked, Jordan Box. She was a little embarrassed, but sat down with him and opened it up. His eyes lit up, "My Red Sox jersey!! I looked for this thing for years. Did you take this that first summer we spent together?"

"Yes. I had to have something of yours. But I didn't think you'd give it to me. It was your favorite."

He found all the tapes of him singing he'd made her while she was in Texas. His professional albums were also in there. A couple of VHS tapes just labeled Jordan. He looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Those are all the tv performances you did that I saw."

"I can't wait to make you my wife. I love you so much Vivian."