Faking Feelings (Muke)

Ch. 15 - Nando's Date

"That lady wasn't very nice" Luke muttered as we sit down at a table at Nando's.

I shrug my shoulders and glance over at the lady at the counter. She had seemed nice enough when we walked in, but she started getting mad at how rude I was being for not speaking to her when she had spoken to me... My heart had started racing and I could feel myself freaking out more than I wanted to.

Luckily though, Luke stepped in and ranted about how rude she was being considering I had a reason for not talking, I wasn't just being 'rude', like she was.

I've never seen Luke get so mad before.

"You know, you have a beautiful talking voice... Just saying, incase the reason is because you secretly hate your own voice" Luke says sweetly, causing me to blush.

I shrug my shoulders. I don't normally think about my own voice, so I'm not really sure that's the reason.

"Does it have anything to do with your past?" Luke asks curiously.

I think for a moment... Maybe it does.

"Will you tell me about it when we get back to my place? You can write it down for me" he asks.

I take a deep breath, and nod.

*Later*

"So-" Luke sighs, "Let's talk".

We are laying side-by-side on our stomachs in the grass in Luke's backyard.

Talk and write* I write down before smirking at him.

"Oh ha-ha" Luke rolls his eyes in amusement. "So, about your past?" He asks.

I take a deep breath, and start writing.

At my old school, I used to get bullied for being gay..

"I thought you weren't gay? I mean, you always said you weren't" Luke interjects.

I wasn't... Not back then... I was the school freak. Nobody liked me... I literally had no friends.

"I'm sorry, Mikey" Luke says sadly.

My family eventually moved here, at the start of high school... I almost didn't make it to the first day though...

"Why?" Luke chokes out.

I have depression, I've had it since before we moved here... But it got worse when we moved... I got hospitalised because I stopped eating and never left my room... I got really thin and really weak... And my body started to shut down...

"Mikey" Luke chokes out quietly, I look up and see tears in his eyes. I start writing again.

I'm sorry, Luke. And I'm sorry that when I went back to school, I became the bully just to become popular... But I was so scared of the same thing happening like at my old school... And then you came along and you became me and I'm sorry... And then I started to get feelings for you and I tried to push you away because I was scared.. And I'm so sorry.

"Michael" Luke says calmly as he touches my chin gently with his fingertips and turning my head to face him. "It's all right" he says before leaning over and giving me a gentle kiss.

You fell in love with a lie. Tears start to spill from my eyes as I drop the pen on the notebook.

Luke quickly sits up and pulls me into his lap. "It's all right" he repeats, running his fingers through my hair and kissing the top of my head. "I did, yes.. But guess what... Since we've been hanging out, I fell in love all over again.. With the real you!" He tells me.

I snuggle up to him more and hide my tear-stained face in the crook of his neck.

"I fell in love with the Michael that's too afraid to talk, despite having a beautiful voice... The one who's not perfect in everyone's eyes and doesn't have as many friends as people think he does.. The one who's more broken than he likes to show.. The ones that's perfect in my eyes.. And that is you" he tells me.

I want to tell him something, anything... A thank you.. An I love you... Something... Anything... But all I can do is cry, because my heart feels like it's breaking apart.

"I know, Michael, you don't have to speak" he whispers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stupid Diary,

I told Luke about my past today.. And it's like a huge weight has been lifted..

He didn't run away or dump my arse, like I honestly thought he would.

He pulled me close and told me how much he loved me... And I still couldn't speak to tell him that I loved him too.

So today was good.. I guess.. I mean, I've been through worse..

Anyway, I'm writing this in Luke's bathroom right now (no, I'm not sitting on the toilet)... I'm staying over the night and didn't really want him to see my diary... Too many entries about him...

I better end it here or he'll wonder what's taking me so long because I said I was having a shower... And haven't had it yet..

- Michael x