Faking Feelings (Muke)

Ch. 10 - Let Me Love You

At the back of the library, where nobody bothers to look, Luke & I sit side-by-side against the back wall, hidden from the other students behind all the book shelves.

Luke has one arm around the back of my shoulder and I'm slightly leaning against him.

With his free hand, Luke is gently playing with my hair while softly singing 'Hold On Till May' by Pierce The Veil.

I've never felt so wanted and loved in my life..

But something's eating away at me... What if it's not real... What if he just feels bad about the fact that I cut over him... Because even though I said it wasn't his fault, I'm pretty sure he blames himself anyway...

I mean, I know he used to ask me out but... What if he got over me because I said no all the time?

When I first asked him out, I thought he would be the one left heartbroken... But I can't help but think it's going to me left heartbroken...for the first time in my life, might I add.

I've never been in love before (aside from Luke).. I've had crushes, of course... But if this is what love feels like... It's defiantly the first time ever.

I must say, love hurts though...

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Dear Stupid Diary,

"I don't know what's holding you back from me, Michael, but I need you to trust me, let me in, let me help you, let me love you" - Luke (today at the Library)

My chest hurts, my head hurts... Everything fucking hurts... Just because I'm so goddam broken...

I wish my mind would just clear enough for me to think things through.

I have bad thoughts, like, all the time... And it scares me that I'm going to act out on them...

But Luke, oh god Luke, he keeps me here, he keeps my thoughts free of those bad thoughts...

He's the reason, the only reason.

Why can't I be normal, what did I do to deserve fucked up emotions and mental issues??

Great, I'm crying again.

I'm going to bed.

- Michael x