Faking Feelings (Muke)

Ch. 17 - Don't Let Me Drown

Dear Stupid Diary,

"Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down? Save me from myself, don't let me drown. Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive. Save me from myself, don't let me drown"

I'm drowning.

- Michael x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few minutes later, after I had hidden my diary away, I was still listening to 'Drown' by one of my favourite bands, Bring Me The Horizon, when my mum walks into the room in her work clothes.

"Are you sure you're okay with me going to work today?" She asks, once I pull one of my earbuds out.

I nod as she runs her fingers through my hair gently.

"Okay, sweetie, just call me if you change your mind" she says, sounding slightly worried.

I nod again. She gives me a kiss on the forehead and leaves.

I stick the earbud back in my ear and get lost in the music again.

I should technically be up and on my way to school right now, but today was one of those days where the emptiness in my chest was so maddening it brought me to tears... So mum said I could stay home.

Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

That line brings me to tears and I find myself pressing my pillow against my chest, wishing it was actually Luke instead of some useless pillow that can't love me back. Then, thinking about Luke makes my tears intensify.

I can't take this.

Then, as if by cue, I get a text from Luke.

Luke: Are you okay?? You're normally at school by now..

Me: Luke I need you. Now. I need you here. Right here. I can't take it anymore.

Luke: 20 minutes, I'll be there.

Michael: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Luke: Michael, why are you sorry? Did you hurt yourself?!

Michael: No.. But I can't stop thinking about it

*Incoming call from Him <3*

"Michael" Luke says, the second I answer the call, "Michael, listen to me. As much as I don't want you to hurt yourself-" he says, voice calm and thoughtful, "I understand if you need to do it.. I can hear your breathing and I can tell how much you're freaking out-" he goes quiet for a moment, "and believe it or not, I've been where you are before, that's why I understand if you need to do it".

The line goes quiet for a moment while I try, and fail, to steady my breathing.

"Michael, I'll be there soon to clean you up and kiss it all better" he says calmly. "I love you" is the last thing he says before hanging up.