Faking Feelings (Muke)

Ch. 31 - Thinking Out Loud

*Luke's P.O.V*

It's been a month since Michael & Calum passed away. One month too long, but I'll admit it went pretty quick.

Ashton & I have gotten pretty close, I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. For a few days after the incident, Ashton & I snuggled in bed doing absolutely nothing.

Eventually our families got worried and threatened to send us to therapy if we didn't get out of bed and do something, or at least eat. Needless to say, we started socialising with our families again- and eating.

The day of Calum & Michael's funerals- which ended up being on the same day- was the worst day of my life, aside from the day they actually die.

I never knew how much of a protective person Ashton was until it was just us left. I think he's just trying to make up for the fact that one, he no longer has Calum to protect, and two, he still feels bad about the fact that he used to bully me.

I've been in love with Michael since I first laid eyes on him, and I'll continue to love him until I die, but there's something about Ashton that I can't resist, and I'm trying not to put it down to the fact that I just don't want to end up alone.

Ashton kissed me yesterday, he said he just had to try it out, and then he kissed me a few more times. I can't lie, I did enjoy it, but he's no Michael.

"Earth to Luke" Ashton giggles, waving his hand in front of mine.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Ash!" I sigh, suddenly realising that I'd zoned out while he was talking.

"It's okay" he sighs, "I know how you feel".

"I feel like I got hit by a bus" I mumble, flicking a bit of hair away from my eyes.

"We were just sleeping, for thirteen hours, might I add" he laughs before going serious, "Look, I know you'd rather stay home and do nothing, but I promised Harry & Lauren that we would take them shopping today".

"Why me?" I ask, pouting at him.

"Because I want you with me" he says, pouting back at me.

"We've been together nonstop for the past month" I remind him.

"I need you though" he complains, a flicker of fear visible in his eyes.

"I need you, too" I sigh in defeat, "Okay, let me go have a shower and get ready".

"Okay" Ashton nods, watching me climb out of bed, before I can walk away though, he grabs my wrist and says "Luke, wait".

"What, Ashton?" I ask in confusion. Ashton bites his lip, staring at his hand that was holding my wrist.

"Since, you know, Calum & Michael are-" Ashton says nervously, "Gone. Do- uhh- would it be wrong for us to date?".

"Us?" I ask in shock, trying to ignore the pain in my chest at the mention of Michael, "I don't know, is it wrong?".

"I don't know, it's just- I never pictured myself with anyone but Calum" Ashton pauses, "If I can't have him, it's either die alone or... Love you".

"D-Do you?" I ask, "Love me, I mean".

"Well, I like you" Ashton hesitates, "But you're the only person left that I want to love".

I bite my lip, absentmindedly staring at Ashton's lips. "Okay" I choke out, "We can date". Before Ashton can properly react, I lean down and- for the first time- kiss him first.

I pull away slowly and leave the room, only looking back to catch a glimpse of Ashton, who was blushing like crazy.

A weird happiness feeling washes over me momentarily, and then I remember Michael again and my heart starts to hurt again.

I'm sorry, Michael, I feel like I'm cheating on you.