𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙤.
I stared at her figure far away from me, she did it again. One more time, she ran away with whatever her eyes held within, covering it all with a look away. I knew that she didn't tell the truth, at least not all of it, but I knew as well that whatever was going around her mind was too much of an ache for her to talk about, so I let her be.
I grabbed the sketchbook she left behind on the chair. Flicking through the pages, tones of breathtaking yet unexplainable sketches were there for me to see. I don't know how but the sketches seemed to say everything about what she had in mind whilst doing them. The latest one was a side profile of a girl, the eyes felt like they were staring sharply right into mine. It felt special.
"These sketches are pretty good by the way." I broke the silence that seemed to take over, willing to change the subject with hopes built high that it would make her feel a little better.
"They're basic, that's all about them." She said, her words were followed by a massive blow of smoke that filled the air around her.
"They say much." I commented with a slight nod as I kept admiring the fine art she had.
"They just end up like that, I never intend for them to be like that, you know." After her voice, no other voice followed. A pause of tranquility took over, in which I kept admiring both her and her sketches in utter silence.
She stood far away, silent completely as if there was a sound she was enjoying. One hand was buried deep inside the back pocket of her black pair of jeans, and the other held her almost expired cigarette close to her lips. She seemed as if she was scanning something further away, in the distance, something that felt pretty important to her that she poured whatever concentration she had on it.
Couldn't put my finger on it, but something about the view of her, turning her back to me, staring at a point far away in the air with the bright sunlight embracing her, aroused some kind of a memory. Within the folds of my mind I felt like I'd seen this view before, it did have a presence in my memory, a powerful presence that it felt as if it was aching all through my head. There was this piercing pain that only kept growing stronger and stronger every time the vision gained more clarity.
At last, everything was sorted, clear or so I thought. But in a split second everything that was once in front of my eyes turned to a growing blur, until everything was but a black area that swallowed me whole, with glimpses of light that come and go, flashing like a broken flashlight. And soon enough, everything was completely black, and completely numb.
**********
𝙍𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙚.
It all was so peaceful, so quiet that it felt like a lucid dream, but that was only for a moment. Just like all kinds of peace, it faded away, unexpectedly, and with a blink of an eye it was gone as if it never existed in the first place. I turned back to face Theo, only to find her lying like a corpse on the grass, quiet like an angel asleep.
I panicked, everything in me seemed to get out of place, felt like there were deafening sirens going over and over in my head. For a moment I felt like I could do everything and nothing at all. In that single moment of time I stood in place, drowned with the panic and the fear that held me hostage, but I found myself uncontrollably running towards her, letting go of everything, and the way seemed endless, as if it was constantly growing.
Her head rested on my chest as I held her in my arms. Her body was droop like a wilted flower in my arms. I checked her pulse, just to make sure because my mind was driving me nuts with all the useless anticipations, then tried hard to wake her up, but was she was completely absent.
In a bit of a rush, I picked her up bridal style, and ran all the way inside to put her on something comfortable rather than the ground. Her body was radiating unbelievable heat, like an engine that had be going for days without a break. Her lips were slightly parted, yet breaths seemed to struggle to get in and out.
I used my foot to push the bedroom door open, then ran inside with her in my arms. Carefully, I put her on the bed, making sure her head was positioned comfortably on the pillow. After she was lying comfortably on the bed, I rushed to turn on the fan, for I knew, with the heat her body held, she'd be a flame of fire if left in warmth for a little longer.
I knelt next to her, and I felt the courage flooding in me to take her hand in mine. I subconsciously found myself planting my lips on the back of her hand in a swift kiss. What a coward I was, to only feel capable of showing any kind of affection when she can't feel it. My wishes were too audible at this point, I could hear the hushed murmurs that left my body, and I could feel the way my heart wouldn't stop throbbing in despair. Why did I care that much?
