𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙨 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧.
I waited for her with drained patience, I could feel every second that passed, bleeding into almost an hour of me sitting, with a cup of coffee that used to be hot, that used to warm up my frozen hands before it froze too. I got us a table by the fence of the shop, in a spot where sunlight can touch us, and she was the only thing missing. She said she wanted to tell me something important, and since the words ran into my ears from the other side of the line, my hopefulness was like no other. I believed that she had some good news to cheer me up with, I almost knew that by heart, and it was ridiculous, being so hopeful with a possibility of being disappointed with the slightest.
She finally showed up, a thick coat wrapping her up, with a reddish scarf around her neck. Little snowflakes settled on her hair, and she greeted with a warm smile. How can a sight of someone be so warm and comforting, especially someone who had pretty much created a wound that wouldn't heal?
"Sorry I'm late, the traffic was a disaster." The smile never left her face as she pulled herself a chair in front of me, little white clouds holding a bit of the warmth inside her left her mouth with every word she said.
Shortly after, came a tall guy, I had to tilt my head up enough to see him. A strong-built, yet slim guy with skin with the color of wheat stood high before me. He got himself a chair from a vacant nearby table, and sat right next to her. I smiled at him, for a moment I didn't know what to think, my mind was already preparing for the worst, that's what I'd learnt to do when it has something to do with her, but then I brushed it all away, not willing to let it ruin the peacefulness of my mind.
"Renee, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Isaac." I smiled while she spoke at ease, a blank smile, just like that, one with nothing to show, and yet nothing to hide.
I tried to gather it all up in my head, sort it out and throw it away, but I couldn't. Suddenly the air was too thick to breathe, and everything around was gone. The low chatting of the people around had gone silent, and everything else was numb. It was just her, exchanging nice little loving glances with him, ones which he returned, and that was all I could see. He had a pair of green eyes, adorned with a slight hint of yellow, they matched hers.
"Isaac, this is Renee that I told you about, my best friend, or well, my only friend after, you know." She was so carefree, and I wanted to be like that so bad. The way she said it, best friend, it was so painful, and what made it worse, she didn't know about all the knives she was planting in me, or maybe she did, but it wasn't something she'd care about. After all, he was the boyfriend and I was a mere a friend, after all we'd been through, together, I was only friend, a friend that she chose to leave behind at last.
"How long have you guys been together?" I asked, trying not to make my voice sound so pathetic, to make it sound normal, not cracking out like thin glass.
"A few weeks now." She answered, she sounded unsure, so she looked at him, waiting for him to correct her but instead he nodded in agreement. They worked so well together, like puzzle pieces, still, I could've been better.
"Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I'm moving out, you can have the apartment all for yourself now." She sounded so light saying those words, as if they were some good news, or something I'd be happy hearing. She was happy, I could see it in her eyes, and it wasn't that I didn't want her to be happy, I just wanted it to be me making her happy.
"Well it doesn't matter, I'm moving back to San Francisco anyway." I lied, not entirely though, I started considering it since that moment.
"No, Renee." She gave me a little chuckle of disbelief, her eyes were aiming for an eye contact but she knew pretty well that there was no eye contact to be made. "I mean, how, you've never mentioned it before, and just, why?"
"I figured San Diego isn't the best for me, I'd have a lot more to do in San Francisco." At least there won't be so much torture for me to go through.
There was a pause where silence had taken over, a rather long, uncomfortable pause. I watched his fingers intertwining with hers, and his thumb running gently over her knuckles, then he leaned back, and brought her hand up to his lips and planted a tender kiss. She gave him a smile in return, a heart warming one.
"Now, if you'd excuse me, I have a lot of packing up to do." I pushed my chair back and stood up, I'd had enough, I couldn't sit there for any longer, watching him give her the love I was meant to give her. I hoped that she'd be happy, because that's all I could do, I couldn't take her and make her happy, I couldn't make her mine and give her the love she deserves, I could only watch as someone else give her only half of the love I had for her.
I walked away, now that I was finally away from them, I didn't have to fight back any more tears, trying not to look pathetic. Everything, the pain, the bitterness of that shattered hopefulness, the despair and disappointment flooded out of me in the form of liquid tears and silent cries. For that whole time, I did my best to move on, did whatever in my power to keep whatever I felt to myself for I knew she didn't want to be a part of it, but she wasn't helping, she just destroyed everything I'd been trying to build up, and by that time I knew, nothing hurts more than a bit of hope that drifts away. He had one arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer, and his lips met the skin of her cheek every now and then, I could see them from the corner of my eye. It should've been me, she should've been my sunlight, and I should've been her one and only, it should've bee us instead.
[ 𝙛𝙞𝙣 ]
