The music was deafening, loud like sirens everywhere, felt as if it was beating under my feet for how loud it was. The place was packed, girls scattered in every spot like ants, leaving no breath to be breathed. I could tell, perhaps none of them was satisfied, not a single person in that little area was happy, and that's probably why the found shelter in there. On a lonely night maybe, or drinking to forget some pain that felt like bleeding to death, who knows. Couldn't take my eyes off them, beauties, dressed up well, yet with faces of confusion.
"A bar? Seriously?" I tried to make my voice heard, which was impossible in such a mess of all kinds of noises.
"I thought it would be the best option for your case. We can go somewhere else if you want." She was screaming, as loudly as her throat allowed, though not everything she said was clear enough to be heard.
"It's okay, doesn't matter anyway." I knew at some point I was talking to myself, but I couldn't care less. I gestured to the bartender to come over, and shortly afterwards she was standing in front of me where I could see her.
"Anything too strong, just wanna take the edge off." I gave her the order, and with a little smile and a nod, she walked away.
"So what was it? Or are you better off not talking about it?" Lily tried to speak through the music and the noise. Half of her words got blended with the noise and I struggled to figure out what she said. "What happened to your hand?"
"I fucked it up, because everything is fucked up." The words that I let out seemed to arouse the fire again, and I went back to feeling that burn in my guys again. I couldn't be happier when the glass was set in front of me, filled to its half with a whitish liquid.
"It's that Theo girl, isn't it?" Her gaze softened, and her voice was noticeably lower, but I could read it on her lips. I lifted the glass up to my mouth, and within a split second the liquid rushed to my throat leaving behind a trace of a blissful burn.
"She's driving me fucking crazy, I have no idea why I just keep thinking and thinking about her as if she's the only one in the fucking world." Not even alcohol could numb the words as they came out. I hated to admit it, even to my own self and saying it out loud made shit worse.
"You have to face it, it's okay. I mean, she's pretty, and it's okay to have a crush on someone, at least you wouldn't suffer that much."
There was a little smile on her face, one that was meant to be hidden. Yet her face showed compassion. With the second gulp, the burning flavor became familiar, and the glass sat empty in my hand.
"Fuck off, it can't be love. She's nice and all but it just can't be love." Something in me forced me not to look at her eyes while talking, I just couldn't even look at her. With a slight gesture, the bartender came over and poured more of whatever Tha poison was in my glass with a smile.
"Then how do you explain all this bullshit?" She replied with a question, nothing her voice showed that she believed a word I said. Her eyebrow was raised, and her gaze that settled on me made me feel unsafe, chased even. I tried to distract myself with drinking but I couldn't escape her.
"I don't know, that's the point. It makes no fucking sense." I answered, almost as if I was panicking.
"Dude you fucking love her, stop denying it." She said, letting out a little laugh of happiness that she seemed to be willing to let out for quite some time. I shook my head in denial, and yet another glass was empty in my hand as my heart went racing at the thought of falling in love with her, it felt true. "I'm paying for your drinks if you say you love her."
"I don't know, it just feels, wrong." I said, for a moment I felt trapped. "It just can't be that way. It shouldn't. What if I ended up broken hearted like a dumb bitch?"
"Trust me, it's okay. Everything will be just fine. You just have to face it, you know, because it hurts more to keep lying to yourself." She spoke, if I hadn't been with her for the longest time I would've said she'd never been this gentle before.
"Okay, you know what, I think I fucking love her." I said, with a smile as wide as I could let it grow. It was relieving, like a prisoner breathing fresh air for the first time in forever. Yet it felt like a bit of guilt was spreading through me, for reasons unknown to me.
