Use Me - C.M.

Chapter 24

Four days later and I had managed to make a decision on what I wanted to tell Conor. I could tell that the more time passed, the more anxious he was getting to talk about it again. He respected my wishes though, forcing himself not to bring it up until I was ready to.I decided to stop by his house after work during the week, and he greeted me by the front door as usual.

"Hey, gorgeous." He said, a lazy smile on his face.

I gave him a short kiss before moving past him and making my way to the couch. We sat down, positioned so we were facing each other and I clasped my hands together nervously. I jumped right in, deciding not to beat around the bush.

"I know it's been driving you crazy, but I decided what I need to do."

He nodded for me to continue, his leg bouncing up and down anxiously.

"I can't go to London with you." I said, taking a deep breath.

He broke eye contact immediately, looking at the floor beneath him in disappointment.

"So...what does that mean?"

"It means that I'm just not ready to take a leap like that, but I love you and I'm willing to try long distance if you are."

He swallowed hard, chewing on his lip as he thought. He finally looked up at me. "What if I didn't sign with the label in London."

"I don't think that's what you want. I saw the look on your face when you were talking about it. I think it would make you happy." I said softly. "Am I wrong?"

He looked away again, shaking his head. I moved closer to him, wrapping one arm around him and placing the other on his arm. "I love you. You know that, right?"

He nodded again. "So that's it? You're living here and I'll be living in London?"

"Not forever." I said quickly. "But I know this is what you want and I just need more time to think about making a move like that."

"So you're not willing to do any of it? Moving, engagement, nothing?" He questioned.

"Right now? No. In the future, definitely." I said confidently.

"What's in the future that we don't already have?" He asked, frustration growing in his tone.

"I want to make sure any big decisions we make, that we're sure of them." I replied.

He scoffed. "I know what I want. I'm not the issue here."

"Seriously?" I shot, taken aback by his comment. "It's easy to say you want something but can you honestly say you know you'll want me in a year? Or two? How about five or ten years? Any one can say they want someone forever, Conor. I've been told that before. How am I supposed to know after six months that you're going to be around forever?"

"It's not my fault that your ex was a lying scumbag!" He shouted, standing up. "I'm sorry you went through shit, but that doesn't mean I'm a lying scumbag too."

I sat staring at him in shock. He wasn't the type of person to have outbursts like this. He was usually so calm and relaxed with me. I instantly felt a pang of guilt that I was the reason for how upset he was. I didn't know what to say, so I waited for him to speak up instead.He flopped back down into his seat and sighed.

"I've loved you for a long time. As friends, then more. And you STILL don't trust me not to hurt you."

After a few seconds of silence, he stood up suddenly, storming off to his room. He came back moments later, holding a small velvet box in front of me. "THIS is how committed I am to you. THIS is how much I trust you. I bought this before I even knew the label in London wanted me back. I bought this because I knew I wanted to be with you for as long as you'd have me. I was holding it for the right time, but there didn't ever seem to be one. I thought the chance of moving might change the way you see things...but you still won't just let me give you everything I have to offer."