Really? (5sos)

Chapter 4

Arianas POV

It was half way through last period and I couldnt wait until the final bell rang meaning I could run home and lock myself away from the world, Hopefully what happened on Friday wont reoccur. 

"Miss Hemmings stop looking out of the window and concentrate!" Mr Sampson yelled and everyone fell silent and stared at me, I gulped and blinked back my tears, I began writing notes whilst biting my bottom lip to avoid crying, It kept wobbling as I recalled todays events, I managed to control myself by distracting myself with History class. 

"Um.. Ariana" Alana muttered, she sits behind me usually but with Calum, Luke,Michael and Ashton, I turned my head to face her and she pointed to my hand which had blood trickling on it, I shrugged my shoulders and turned myself back around and sniffled a few times, My vision became blurry multiple times but Mr Sampson wouldnt notice and probably wouldnt care anyways. 

Everytime I looked up to memorise some more notes before attaching my pen to my paper again I would see Mr Sampson glaring at me, My sleeves were covering my hands so he couldnt be noticing any blood because it was not visible. He glared and I ended up catching eye contact with him once or twice when I looked up. I sighed and it came out as a shaky breath. 

Something hit the back of my head and I turned around to see a crumpled piece of paper behind my chair, I unscrunched it and it read 'Ariana is a fat slag who needs to end it all' it looked like Lukes writing and I screwed it up again and glared at him "Ariana Hemmings turn around this instant!" Mr Sampson demanded. Ofcourse, he wouldnt notice his star student throwing paper at me. 

Mrs Potts is the only teacher who understood me when I didnt want to tell her what was going on or when I was upset, she was the only teacher to see me smile, the other teachers hated me, they saw me cry and they didnt care, If Luke was upset or he was happy they would notice all of his moods and try to help him. I have gathered by now that all of the teachers think im depressed all of the time, the only time they would like me is when I got a good grade, which was quite often but otherwise in lessons they would treat me like I wasnt there. Sometimes I wish that I wasnt here anymore. 

There was a knock at the door and Mrs Potts came in, she looked at me with a small smile and gave a note to Mr Sampson, "Poppy Matthews, Your mum is here to take you to the dentist" He read outloud, Usually Mrs Potts would get free periods and would help out in the office, everytime she enters the room with a note I always hope it is for me to withdraw me from being bullied. That note never came. 

I breathed sharply again and my hands started to shake as I felt myself tearing up and letting the tears escape my body, I wish I could do that, so I could escape from myself. She left the room with Poppy and smiled back at me but I didnt smile back, I couldnt force myself to smile. I could only smile when I was truly happy which was very rare. 

The bell rang and I grabbed all of my things and rushed down the hallway and put all of my stuff into my bag and closed my locker again, I ran home faster than I ever have, Erin waved at me through her window, she was grounded, I waved back and saw Luke and the others werent far behind, I picked up the fast pace again and saw that my mum was home, I sent a quick thankyou to God for making her be at home, I really needed a hug right now, although she doesnt know whats going on I needed her. 

I pushed myself through the door and ran into her arms, warm tears flooded down my cheeks and she rubbed my back, "Honey.. whats wrong?" she asked, I then saw Luke and the other 3 boys standing by the kitchen door. "Nothing mum. Im fine." I muttered. "Okay, well I have to go to work now so Ill see you when I can, goodbye"She smiled and I followed her to the door and threw my arms around her, I didnt want her to leave. Not now. 

She pushed me off of her and said goodbye, I sighed and closed the door, "see even mum doesnt like you" Luke laughed, I nodded. "I already know all of this." I muttered and ran upstairs, I slammed my bedroom door and shoved a chair underneath the handle so nobody can enter. 

I sat on my bed and started filling in the answers for all of my homework, I sighed when I finished and put my books back into my bag and chucked it beside my desk, I grabbed my laptop and switched it on, I went through twitter and retweeted some things. '@ArianaRoseHemmings: I hate everything'. I logged off and went onto facebook, there was photos of random things, nothing really interesting so again I logged off. 

I went onto youtube and put some random music on, I nodded my head to the songs before grabbing my phone and switching it on.

From Erin: Saw you crying on the way home, whats wrong? x 

To Erin: The usual.. x 

From Erin: I hope it gets better for youxx

I laughed at the message knowing that it wouldnt get better and I would be dreaming if I thought it would. 

I went on instagram and liked some photos, I smiled when I found an old photo of me and my old bestfriend Laura, she moved away 7 years ago with her mum to America, she doesnt speak to me much anymore because I can never bring myself to start a conversation or reply. 

From Luke.

Dinner is ready..

To Luke

Not hungry. 

I put my phone on charge and took off my clothes, I put on some baggy shorts and a jumper and tied my long blonde hair up into a ponytail, I wiped off my makeup and stared at my dry, red skin. I put on some moisturiser to try and make it look better, which actually worked. I cleaned my cuts and stared at my reflection, I stared at my stomach, there was barely anything there, my hip bones stuck out and so did my wribs, I hate it. 

"Ariana, your going to get ill, come and eat your dinner" I heard from the other side of the door, I groaned and pulled the chair away from the door and followed Michael down the stairs, I gulped when I got to the kitchen, they were all smiling at me, Luke has done something to the food, except they were eating it. I sighed and sat down next to Michael as it would be furthest away from Luke. "Ari whats-" I cut Luke off, "A fat slag.. really? Dont you dare ask me whats wrong!" I spat and stabbed my food with my knife and left it there and went back upstairs. 

I shoved a chair against the door, I didnt eat much but I felt less weak than I did before. I got into bed and fell asleep ignoring any messages or knocks or shouts from any of them.