dream in color, dress In black

14

Do you like my art?

Oliver continues to look at it. Observing every detail. He looks at me and then the picture.

"Urges.. what kind?" He says after a moment. I shove the blanket in my face. The urges are all my urges. From cutting and hurting myself to my sexual urges.

"All urges," I say and the bed shifts signaling that he just got on it. I pull my feet closer to me so he has space.

He taps my shoes and I get the message and take my shoes off his bed and my feet. Rainbow socks, great. Oli looks at them and then to me.

"Have you cut yourself since I said not to?" He says and I look at him shocked that he's bringing this up. He looks serious and like he's not going to back out of the question until I answer.

"Oli," I whine. I dont want to talk about this. He frowns and I turn away from him. Oli does the unexpected, like always. He straddles my hip and looks at me in the eyes.

"Show me or I'll make you show me," he says looking like he's not joking at all.

I look away and that's enough permission for him. He unzips my jacket, I'm not wearing a shirt underneath it. He looks at my sides and stomach, no new ones. He makes me take off my sleeves and I'm left exposed.

He looks at my wrists, no new ones. He looks confused. "You didn't? Why didn't you just say that?" I dont make eye contact. I'm about to start crying. I cut this morning..

"Wait you did?" He asks looking over me again. I don't answer him. His eyes go down to my thighs. He grabs the button my pants and starts undoing them.

"Wow stop," I say panicking at the sudden 'I'm going to take off your pants' actions. He doesn't remove his hands but he stops moving them.

Oliver hot, straddling me, and trying to take all my clothes off, my teenage hormones are acting up. I feel submissive. I know this is a serious moment of him trying to see my cut up thighs but my mind isnt on that subject.

It's on 'omg a hot guy is taking off my pants' subject. "Why not?" He asks unzipping my pants. I look away.

"Oli, please get off. I don't want to to see my thighs right now," I say and he frowns.

"Why do you do it? I dont like it. You shouldn't hurt yourself," he says looking upset. He almost looks mad at me. I close my eyes blocking out everything.

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. He's stressed.. I stress him out. Tears start to fall so I put my hands in front of my face. His hands grab my hips and I cry into my hands.

"I'm sorry.. please stop crying," he says.

"I c-cant," I stutter out. Once I start crying it's hard to stop. He rubs circles into my hips with his thumbs. Now he's just messing with my head.

I'm sad but that's one of my biggest turn-ons so it's just mixing up my emotions. With one of his hands he takes away one of my hands from my face and I take the other away too.

He looks at my face sadly and puts his hand back on my hip. "Its just me. You can open up to me and trust me," he says and pleasure spreads from his hands.  My zipper is undone and if I get hard it will me 100% noticeable..

Awkwardly I zip up my pants and he doesn't stop touching my sensitive skin. I'm almost to embarrass to cry now. I feel myself start to grow. Oh god.

"Oli, hands," I say gasping a little as I say so. He looks at his hands.

"But it's making you stop crying," he continues to turn me on without his knowledge. Is is bad I want his mouth where his thumbs are? That would be so hot and pleasurable.

I close my eyes, I cant look at him or I'll be even more turned on. "P-please," I moan. I'm not sure if that was a 'please stop' or a 'please touch me'. He freezes. Oh god, I just moaned because of my bestfriend touching me.

"Oh.." he says and I open my eyes. My face is probably as red as a strawberry. He looks embarrassed.

"S-sorry," I stutter out.

"No, no. That's my fault.  Um, here. I'll um, comfort you a better way," he says getting off of me. He lays down next to me hugs me. I cuddle into his chest.

Oliver has been really touchy recently.. I guess our bond has gotten stronger when he realized I'm not as okay as i lead on? I'm not sure. "Why are you more touchy? Is it because you feel bad for me?" I whisper.

"Because I realize you need more comfort in your life. I didn't realize you were scared of physical contact so I'm helping you overcome it, and no I dont. I dont pitty you or anything I just feel like I should help if I can. Your my friend," he says and I pull away and look at him.

He looks like he's telling the truth. "You dont think its gay to cuddle?" I ask.

"Kellin, shut up. If its gay to cheer up my best friend then I'm gay," he says and I drop it. He's not gay, he fucks all those girls.

Too bad he wont fuck me- oh my god kellin dont think that way about you're friend!

My eyelids get heavy but I try not to fall asleep. Oli is hugging me, it's not nap time....