dream in color, dress In black

17

What's a fact about you?

Vic keeps looking at me in class. He looks nervous. I dont know why, we usually talk through class but not today.

The class is halfway over and I'm done with all my work and turned it in. The nervousness is rubbing of of him onto me and I cant stop worrying what he's worried about. My stomach hurts, I've been forgetting to eat even more then usual and the only times I remember or feel hungry is times I cant get food. Like in glass.

The school food sucks so I dont eat it, ever. Vic has the same lunch as me but he sits with his brother and other friends. Vic is really confusing, he's always bubbly and in my face but doesn't hang out with me when he's with his friends.

Vic passes me a paper ninja star and I smile at it. Why did he just give me this? I flip it over to observe it.

Will you go out with me?

Keep for yes, throw at teacher for no.

I giggle and cover my mouth. I want to throw it at the teacher just to see both of their reactions but I dont. Looking at vic I see him looking hopeful.

I hope I don't regret this...

I put the star down on my desk and smile at Vic. He smiles and gets out his phone. A second later my own buzzes lightly.

Vic: I was scared you'll throw it at the teacher XD but do you mean it? You'll be my boyfriend?

Me: I thought about it but nah I dont feel like getting detention, I'll let you be my boyfriend c:

Vic: sit with me at lunch today?

Me: sure :p

I put up my phone and look at vic. He's smiling like crazy. I'm dating him now. That's so weird, I'm not single. How do I do this dating thing?

After the bell rings signaling lunch I get up and vic grabs my hand and starts walking. I'm usually the last person out to avoid people but vic makes me go into the crowd of people. I hold on to his hand scared I'll get lost. Get lost? I'm in school I know my way. But that's how I feel.

My chest tightens with anxiety and I try to block out everything. He drags me to the cafeteria line. I'm not getting food, theres too many people. I want to leave.  The sight of anything unfamiliar makes me shake. This is unfamiliar, I'm supposed to sit with Matty and Oli.

"Vic, I'm going to the bathroom," I say letting go of his hand. He nods and I make my way out of the smelly lunch room that makes me feel sick. Once I'm in the bathroom I feel tears coming. My mind and body cant handle anxiety I just start crying.

"Kellin?" Oli asks walking in. I turn away from him and wipe my eyes. Trying to play it off I go to the sinks and start washing my hands.

"Yea?" I ask trying to seem okay. Oli grabs paper towels and comes over to me. He dries my hands while looking at me in the eyes.

He's frowning, why is he upset? "Why are you crying? Was it because vic was holding you're hand? I'll break his face," he says seriously.

I shake my head. "Anxiety is a bitch.. I'm not sad or anything, I just don't like new things," I mumble feeling embarrassed that I'm admitting that im having anxiety.

"Well why are you doing something new? Why not sit with us, the people you always sit next to," he says and I feel bad but they are my friends. They would want me to sit with my boyfriend.

"I'm going to sit with vic, my boyfriend," I whisper feeling weird. I'm happy that I have a boyfriend but Oli looks upset that I'm ditching him.

His face goes from annoyed to something I cant read. "Oh, well sit with us and make him sit with you," he says and that sounds so much better than being all alone with vic's friends.

I smile a little, "okay," I say going with him out of the bathroom. We walk to the cafeteria and vic's sitting down with his friends. Oli goes to our seats and I go up to vic. He looks st me and smiles. "Can you sit with me at my table instead?" I ask and he grabs my arm lightly and makes me sit next to him.

"Mike, Tony, Jamie, danielle, this is kellin; my boyfriend. Kellin this is my brother, a turtle, a weird, and a um redhead," he says and I feel my stomach twist and clinch. I'm not out, he just told all these people that I'm gay.

A cheer of greetings go around and I say a weak 'hi' back. I didn't want to be open about a relationship so soon.. people are going to make fun of me. Vic starts talking to mike and I look at Oli who's talking to Matty.

Vic ignored me, I didn't think he wants to sit at my table. Tony looks at me seeming to understand my uncomfortable position. "Ask again," he says to me and then looks at vic.

I poke vic and he stops talking to mike and looks at me with a gorgeous smile. "Yes darling?" He says and I swallow hard. Darling?

"Will you come sit with me at my table?" I ask and he looks at his friends then my two friends talking to each other. His smile drops a little.

"Sure," he says getting up. Oh no I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. He gives his half eaten food to mike and we go over to my table. I feel guilty for taking him away from his friends.

We sit side my side in front of Oliver and Matty. "Hi I'm vic, kellins boyfriend," vic says making my stomach twist again. I don't want matty and the people around us to know I'm gay...

"I'm Matty, and this grumpy guy is Oli," matty says and now that its mentioned Oli does look grumpy.

He proves it even further by the next thing he says. "Oliver, not Oli," he says to Vic.

Lunch, well.. school goes by awkwardly and uncomfortably. People keep looking at me weirdly. They all got the word that I'm gay. Somebody called me a fag as I was walking to class alone.