dream in color, dress In black

23

Why did I stop breathing?  So I wouldn't be hyperventilating. Oliver rubs my back and I'm frozen.

"Are you not breathing?" Oliver asks pulling away. I eyes are shut, I'm trying to just be calm but when I breathe I'm gasping for air.

When I start seeing spots I open my eyes but dont breath. This is a way I cope. I'll breathe when I have to but I can feel sobs at the back of my throat. If I breathe now I'll just be sobbing.

Oliver looks worried?

I open my eyes.. when did I close them? I'm laying on Oliver's bed. He's playing with my hand looking at the ceiling. He's sitting up while I'm laying so I have a good view of him.

"What happened?" I'm not crying anymore.. why? Why dont I remember getting in bed and calming down.

He looks at me but doesn't stop playing with my hand in a calming manner. "You stopped breathing and made yourself pass out," he says quietly.

"Oh.. I was just trying to calm myself down... I didn't mean to pass out," I say looking away.

"Its okay but don't ever do that again. Breathing is required," he says and I smile at his words. He gets the hot chocolate and I sit up and take it when he hands it to me.

The warm liquid goes down my sore throat. The chocolate is really dark and rich. Little marshmallows swim around. It has a peppermint flavor and a cinnamon taste. This really is the best hot chocolate I've ever had.

After he takes a sip of his he puts it down and gets up. He walks over to my phone and puts the batter and case back on. "You cracked it but it still works," he informs me. He puts it on his charger and sits back down next to me.

I give the cup to him and he puts it with his. I touch my cheek to feel it's a little swollen and hurts. My mom hit me.. "if she wasnt a girl I would have beat her ass for hurting you. But I don't hit girls," he says and I pout and look at him.

"My dad has 'accidentally' walked in on me changing and showing so many times.." I mumble feeling gross and emotional. He frowns and I can see he's trying to think of how to comfort me.

"Can I stay the night?" I ask and he looks at me and nods.

"Yeah, you should stay here for a while. I don't want you to be near your parents right now," he says and I feel relieved.

"Thank you.. I really appreciate you," I say and he smiles.

-

The rest of the day is calm. Oli is doing everything he can to keep my mind off of vic and my family. He made me eat, I was going to skip dinner but he told me I had to eat.

I took a shower, I almost cut but knew I shouldn't because Oli would be mad at me. We've been talking about random things that aren't important and I'm really thankful that he's helping me.

Today has been really bad..

It's been bad but I enjoy this side of Oli. It's like I'm his main priority, well its always like that when I'm with him.  He's next to me sitting up. His back is on the headboard and his legs are crossed. He just changed into gray sweatpants and a random band tank top.

I'm wearing one of his shirts and my briefs. I'm sitting up but I'm getting tired. The position I want to be in might be a little weird for him. He's been okay with everything I've done so far so that gives me some confidence but I don't know..

Is he going to be uncomfortable? "I can practically hear you think. What do you want to day or do?" He says and I look at him to see he's looking at me. My legs are wrapped up in blankets.

"I dont know if its crossing a line or anything," I mumble feeling embarrassed.

"Go for it," he says and I pout. I guess I should just 'go for it'. I lay down in his lap. My cheek is on his thigh and his crotch is by my collarbones.  My hand goes to his calf.

This is comfortable. "You're like a cat. Take naps a lot, sit on tables, walk on counters, cute, likes to be pet, bites, gets spooked easily. Are you a cat?" He asks and I giggle.

"No, I'm a human. I think," I say and he pets me. Pets me? He's slowly running his fingers up and down my arm. Surprisingly I'm wearing a tshirt but I dont feel self conscious. I trust Oliver, he's not judging me. 

He puts on a movie and starts watching it. I close my eyes and enjoy him touching me. Vic never did anything like this..

I guess I have to break up with Vic.. yeah I'm going to be lonely but I felt so alone in his company. Do I want to go to church tomorrow?  No.. vic is there.

-

I roll over waking up a tiny bit. I need to get more comfortable. To asleep to really comprehend much I wiggle around trying to get comfortable. The thing I'm on moves around and I realize im in Oliver's lap.

He grabs me and makes me get off as he scoots down so he can lay on his back. Once he's comfortable grabs me and pulls me to him. I put my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me.

He's so comfortable..