At lunch, you corner Karkat grumpyman in the hall. "I DONT WANT TO ADD TO YOUR STUPID FUCKING INVESTIGATION YOU STUPID FUCKING HUMANS" he is yelling at you.
"pleeaaaase karkat i want to ask you about troll romance!!!!!!" you yeller back to him
"oh. okay yeah what do you wanna know" he is calm. oh wow thats all it takes huh?
You lead him to a secluded table wher you can talk alone. "so tell me about the quadrangles" you say.
"QUADRANTS, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS" you go like :/ with your mouth and face. "anyways ahem" he says and clears his throat and stops yelling so loud. he still talks loud though
"the problem is that when the subject or troll romance is broached, your sparing human intellects automatically assume the most ingratiating thing possible, so try to fucking keep up. you losers only have one form of romance and i bet you think its pretty complicated! but compared to troll romance it is merely a superficial SLICE of what we have to deal with. you guys are your HEARTS what the fuck. unlike you, we superior trolls have four symbols to describe OUR romance.
"its all about the quadrants. the romance is sliced in half both ways, so imagine a piece of paper cut into fourths. actually, here" he ges out a piece of paper from his pocket that he just fucking carries around forever and rips it up correctly for you to visualize it. what a good due wanting you to understand the romance times!
"So each quadrat is grouped by the half they share corresponding to the emotions involved. the most explicit dichotomy is between black and red romance. black deals with negative emotions while red deals with the positive side of things. the other way its serparated is about the PURPOSE of the relationship being either concupiscent or conciliatory"
"okay stop i dont know what these words mean" you say
"concupiscent meaning you wanna fuck them and conciliatory meaning you wanna comfort them, get it/?" you nod and write some notes in your packet. that yes you still have it thats what this fucking story is about jeez.
"you stupid humans normally wouldnt conjugate negative or platonic emotions with romance because you are so far below us as a species, but we do romance this way. and you may think you losers have it hard when youre coming of age and figuring out your 'romantic urges' and whatever the fuck, but our struggle with that is TIMES FOUR. SO THINK ABOUT THAT!" he is so angy
"sorry i got heated. let me continue" you nod and ready your pena gain after jumping from his outburst. "so of the red quadrants, the sexy one is the flushed quadrant, which is lie your guyses romance i guess. like the heart. when your in this quadrant with someone they are called your matesprit. i dont think i really need to explain this to you. anyways. the other sex quadrant is the caliginous one where you would be a kismesis with someone. this is like matesprits but they hate each other and fuck.
"like you probably wouldnt fucking get it if you saw two trolls engaged in a kismesissitude cause your so fucking stupid and cant recognize a viable romance if it smacked you accross the face! so anyways to the comfort quadrants
"the ashen quadrant is a three-way quadrant where basically someone will intervene between two trolls who are getting TESTY with each other but one or both already has a kismesis so theres no infidelity. its kind of a shit quadrant to be in and i never have and honesty i do not care to be! kanayas a fucking pale SLUT though dont tell ehr i said that she hates when i say that. anyways. you can also be an auspistice between two trolls who are kismesises that get a little too violent with each other but honestly they should just break up like i dont get why this is even a thing? like obviously its not a fucking healthy relationship if you need someone to intervene but go off i gfucking GUEESS.
"so anywas then we have the other pale quadrant. the red one. positivity. moiralleigance. this is like your best friend that you also kiss sometimes maybe but its not weird like no homo as dave always says" you subtly take note of this
"its necessary for some people to have a moirail cause like a ot of trolls are pissed as fuck and are causing a bunch of trouble and damage and their moirail is there to calm them the fuck down. for example equius and nepeta are moirails. they calm each other down if theyre getting a little too fucking rowdy. troll will smith dadadadada"
"troll will smith????" you jot that down.
"sorry i dont know why i said that sometimes i just think about him."
you nod. "he is amazing. i imagine if hes anything like human will smith"
"YOU HAVE WILL SMITH??????" he screams
"yeah dude! fresh prince of belaire babey!"
"surely you mean thresh prince"
"LKFJDGDF WHAT"
"okay shut uP HOW DID YOU DO THAT WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" karkat is screaming.
"okay. well anwyas i have some followup questions" you say
"oh jesus christ ok what the fuck is it" he says with an eye roll. thats also interesting they have troll jesus??? but he doesnt add troll he just says jesus huh ok
"so like your saying that... you can have multiple quadrangle friends at once and its not weird like you can have a moirail and a matesprit and a kismesis all at once??" you say
"YEAH DUH. IN FACT ITS FIND OF A FUCKING REQUIREMENT TO HAVE A MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS FOR.. YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT REPRODUCION WITH A HUMAN THAT WOULD JUST BE REALLY AWKWARD I THINK." he says
"oh yeah understandable i had to give aradia the human sex talk last night"
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS FUCK???"
"omg no i was just talking about babies"
"OH. WELL ANYWAYS"
you tap your pen on the table and stare at him. "im gonna go" you say. "OK YEAH BYE" you both leave to your next class.
YOU ARE READING
Case 257
FanficMari Parker is new to Hollywood since her two moms are trying to become actresses. Her new school seems promising, and Mari quickly makes friends with four zany kids. But then, a black hole opens up, spitting out 12 teens of an alien race! How will...
