New Home

Chapter 10: Wrecked Heart

"Rye?" I heard Ate Rosa's shaking voice as she came into me while I sat on the grand staircase before you could have enter the house.

I ran away from the hospital. I just can't stand the emotions. I can't stay at the church, I'm too mad at him. I can't stay in the morgue, his sobs and mourns are thrilling over me. I can't stay at the hospital, itself, the bad news reminded me of how hospitals bring always bad memories.

No more tears are falling on me. It wasn't the same liters I cried when my original familiy died. I guess it wasn't all about sadness this time, it was all about anger.

Two times for this year. Four family members. The second time's before the Christmas day. How can you be not mad at it?

I did not respond. I was staring at the stars, putting all my anger at the sky, making it more dark to look at. I don't want to talk nor say anything for the meantime. Words can't bring them back. No matter how many words will it be, it's nonsense after all. He won't listen anyway, no matter how many times I beg for him.

"Are you okay?" she whispers, thrillingly. 

Am I okay? I guess not. I hate what's happening. I hate him!

Looks like she can't stand the silence. I may not be bringing my words but she maybe, figured it out clearly written on my face.  "Everything happens for a reason, Rye. All these things. I'm sure he has a good reason for it."

I chuckled, "Good reason? Again? Is that the purpose of all? All his punishments. These meant to happen for good reasons? 'Cause he had better will? Is it really?" then my voice cracked up in higher tone. "I know I'm not perfect to say that I'm a very good person. I'm not an angel to be really that good. I'm not like him, who knows good reasons despite of all these tragedies. I understand, I'm not holy, not really a gift to everybody. But do I really deserve what's happening on me now? Am I that bad?"

She shakes her head. She didn't say anything as well.

"I guess that's not really the right answer." 

I went upstairs. I just don't know where to go anymore. I don't know whom to talk with. Their words do not contribute for all of these. I kept thinking, kept questioning myself, but I can't find the right answer for such.

I am not strong, physically, psychologically, even spiritually. But does that last word really puts a greater advantage among the first two?

--

The next day, I woke up from a scream.

I stayed lazily laying my whole self on the giant bed. I closed my eyes as I eavesdrop all the screams he's making.

"Where is she?! Where's that girl?!"

With the way he talks to people this morning, I can inspect, he's drunk. Really drunk.

I heard the loud slam of the door. I pretended sleeping.

"Sir, she's still asleep." Ate Rosa's demure voice came in.

"Oh, boo-hoo, she'll still asleep after all that happens." he replied, with all the hiccups, then turned to me. "Riley! Riley! Riley! Wake up, brat girl!"

Brat girl? That codename. He's mad again.

I lessen the movements I make, so he won't think I'm already awake. 

Before I could hear another words from him, I felt his arm over my cloth and pulled me down from the bed. My back hits the floor. It aches so much, I can't be able to stick with my pretension.

"See, she's not really asleep." he chuckled as he brings another wine on his mouth. 

I sat up to relieve the pain he'd given me. Ate Rosa, on the other hand, offers her hand to help me stand.

I heard her whisper, though I was staring at my grandfather who's pretty much enjoying the taste of the wine on the bottle he's holding. "Does it hurt? Are you okay, Riley?" she inquires, worriedly.

"She's fine, Rose! Look at her, she even had the guts to sleep soundly when she knows her grandmother died yesterday." he smiled at her, with the mark of drunkness covering his face.

"Did you just have a very nice sleep, your highness?" he blurted out, putting a laugh and bows that made him lose his balance.

I did not say anything, I just stared at him. Watching him acting like that, feared me. I know his hands, they're not friendly, especially when he's mad. And right now, he's not just mad, he's more than mad and drunk.

"I asked you a question, god damn it!" he screamed. He stood up from the floor and walked to me, swaying. His eyes remain red, both from crying and not sleeping for the night. His words scared every hair on my arms. I exchanges a mad look at him. The next thing he did, he pulled me from my room to the front door. I don't pull his force but I'm shaking with the tight grip he brings. I can hear Ate Rosa's loud voice screaming on my grandfather, and the way he disregarded those calls. 

Finally, he loosen his hold and push me against the door. 

"You made her die! Because of you, Lucinda died! You bring nothing but bad luck! You killed your parents and your brother, now you killed her!" he pointed his finger on me as I try to straighten my back from what he did.

I still myself, watching him acting on me on such condition weakens my feet to stand tall.

"We shouldn't brought you here! We only bring monster, killer on my house! Go far away from my house! I don't want another man to die with your existence here!"