Neon Lights

Chapter 11 - Numb

•Castiel's POV•
---------------------------
November 15, 1967
7:37 p.m.
---------------------------

It's been three days.

They found out I was crashing with Dean all weekend and now I'm not allowed to see him.

Never again.

It all happened so fast. I'm not sure if they suspect my homosexuality but they haven't mentioned it. The only thing that was said was the filthy rule that makes me want to smite Michael.

"Cas?" He walked in, brisk and angry, "We should talk."

"I'm listening," I gruffed, listening though I didn't want to.

"You lied to us. You know that's not acceptable. Do you know your punishment?" Michael crossed his arms over his chest like a prissy schoolgirl.

"No," I mumbled into my pillow, "That's why you're here, dad."

"You won't be permitted to see this Dean guy again," Michael concluded, "Understand me? Never again."

His words rang in my mind, refusing to shut up. Never again. Never again. Never again. It was like a broken record set to drive me mad.

I wanted to cry and scream into my pillow like a little boy who's just lost his puppy. I feel like ripping my hair out or, even better, cracking a beer bottle over Michael's head.

I want to ignore Michael's rule and sneak out after Dean, but if we were caught a second time Mike would probably get a restraining order, making it illegal for Dean to come anywhere near me like he's a crazy person. Bullshit.

Or he'd sue the Winchesters. Either way, it'd only fuck things up more.

And it would be my fault.

I wouldn't be able to handle that. Knowing Dean's life is a living Hell because of me is hard enough, but if his whole family was affected? That would kill me.

Hey, I have a fun idea, I thought grimly, let's go play in the busy street. I wish, but I'm confined to my bedroom. If Dean was here, that wouldn't be punishment at all.

----------------------------
November 16, 1967
10:55 p.m.
----------------------------

Day Four, Hour Ten, I calculated in my head. When I started keeping track of the time lapse since I last saw Dean I don't know. All I know is this: I need to stop thinking about him. It's making this slower and more painful.

The only kind of pain I'd enjoy would be Dean pounding into me. There it is again! Think of something else! I can't. Fuck it.

I considered touching myself to remember Dean, but decided against it. One, I'm supposed to not think about him and two, that'd only make things harder to bear. I'd start wanting Dean's touch until it drove me insane and I snuck off to see him anyway, causing more trouble. I know myself, that would happen.

I need a walk, I thought, I'll ask Mike.

"Hey Michael," I started dryly, "Can I take a walk? I need some fresh air."

"No," he answered with a flat tone, "Open a window. You won't be sneaking away."

I huffed and stomped upstairs. Worth a shot. I only wanted a walk on the beach, I had no intention of seeing Dean, but he doesn't know that.

I opened the attic window and climbed out onto the roof. This'll do. I stared up at the night sky, at the little white stars that dotted the sky. They pissed me off. How dare they be all bright and shiny when life down here is all shit and mud? Pompous bastards.

I heard the sound of wood creaking and looked down the side of the house. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Hey, stranger!"

"Dean?!" I hissed, "You shouldn't be here you shit! How did you get my address?!"

"Johnny followed you home after the big fiasco. What's up?" His cool and nonchalant attitude bothers me.

"I'm not supposed to see you," I hung my head, "Michael's rule."

He tilted ny chin up to meet his gaze, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

The kiss he planted on my lips surprised me. It was sweet and reassuring, the farthest from the usual kisses as could be. I had to remind myself this is Dean - full-of-surprises, can't-keep-up-to-me Dean.

I pulled away reluctantly. This is only making matters worse, harder on us, "We can't. How'd you even get up here?"

"Ladder."

I forgot about the ladder we have by our house. Oh, that's convienient.

"Cas?" Samandriel's voice erupted from inside, "You here?"

I looked at Dean, cold and hard, "You should go."

I climbed back into the attic and slammed the window shut, latching it. "There you are," Sam huffed, "I looked everywhere."

"What do you want?" I asked briskly. So not in the mood today.

"Are you okay?"

For some reason, those words really got to me. Are you okay? Am I okay? Absolutely not. But I already knew that - why does it hurt so much now?

My knees trembled, weakening until I fell to the ground in a pile, tears breaching my eyes. "No, I'm not!" I yelled, "I'm not okay, Sam! I'm not!"

"Why does Dean mean so much to you? He's Dean!" Sam is so naïve.

"Because..." I whimpered, "I love him."

**Angst angst angst angst

Wurhurhur getting to the nitty gritty

Day 2: I still feel like shit.

DO YOU WANT MORE SMUT?? GONNA HAVE TO BEG ME FOR IT buahahahhahahahahha

I'm evil ^•^

*Jigsaw voice* Let's play a game.
Here are the rules:

Because I'm narcisisstic and my ego is huge and needs inflating, let's see who can give me the nicest comment to cheer me up on this shitty day

JK let's not

(winner gets a oneshot of their choice sent to them)

ANYWAY remember, y'all just keep being y'all!

Song: "Numb" by Linkin Park

That song makes me thing of Castiel talking about Michael <3

And I love how close this fic is to 1K reads! DANKE GUYS!

xoxo, Garnent•.•**