Neon Lights

Chapter 26 - Call Me

•Dean's POV•
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June 6, 1968
7 Days Till Graduation
4:56 p.m.
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Am I doing well in school? I have no idea. I know that Cas's tutoring did help some great deal, but I know that no matter what I get, I would get better with Cas here.

And who do I celebrate graduation with now? I suppose there's always Dally...but Dally isn't Cassie. It's not the same. And I'm sick of hookups, because it was sex that caused Cas to dump me in the first place.

Bloody Hell, Castiel...what have you done to me?

Maybe I just shouldn't graduate. Maybe I shouldn't progress in life. There's rope in Dad's closet...

Am I actually considering suicide? I can't. I know Cas moved on, I should too. I'll find some new sap to pal around with, right? There's always another guy. But they're not Castiel.

I can't shake this irrational side of my brain that's making me jump on this never-ending emotional roller coaster of oh it's okay at the top and oh God I'll never survive at the bottom.

"Dean," a voice sounded beside me. I turned around to see Zeke jogging up the dock toward me. This is the exact scene as before - me sitting on the edge of the dock, Cas jogs up to me, we fight, he leaves...

"Hey, Zeke," I sighed, "What's up?"

Zeke laughed, "The sky. Listen, you have got to talk to Cas. That sorry sack drags his feet around the Shoppe all through his shift looking like he wants to scoop his eyes out with a melon baller."

I looked him up and down, "I don't deserve him. He needs much better than me, much more than I can give. He's moved on."

"No, he hasn't," Zeke scoffed, "He's just as upset as you."

"Then why would he have done that?" I asked, standing up, "That's just idiotic."

Zeke laughed, "I know! We all know! That's why we're saying talk to each other!"

"Maybe I don't want a guy like that," that's a lie, "Maybe if he's gonna give me up so easily, he's not worth my time. Ever consider that?"

"Yes, but we both know that isn't quite true," Zeke mused, "Cas didn't give up. He wanted you so bad it hurt when he thought you didn't want him, so he ran. And you want him back despite what you say."

I shrugged and sat back down, "Whatever, it's not happening. I don't know what to say to make this better. I can't relationship, how do you relationship? It's useless."

"Dean--"

"Leave me alone, Zeke. I want to be alone."

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June 7, 1968
6 Days Till Graduation
5:46 p.m.
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Now I'm really worried. Less than a week until graduation, and still no-one to share it with. I still don't know how to tell Cas he's worth it. How do I win back a heart I shattered? Do I have glue strong enough? I don't think so.

I sat in my room, boredom eating at my head, clawing through my skull, and rotting my brain to a shriveled crisp. It matches my heart now.

I sighed. Stop being melodramatic. You can live without him. Can I? Can I really? Stop lying.

All this thinking about him is making my brain hurt. Physically. I've had this horrible migrain all day, which is why I stayed home in my room. I've been popping aspirins every so often. They help, but I can't go on like this.

I feel like my brain is oozing out my skull. I looked out the window at the back alley, empty and filthy as usual. What a nice sight to help a headache! But then a can was kicked from somewhere up the alley and it came skittering down the hill.

I looked up with piqued interest, watching as the man himself walked down, on his way home.

Some crazy energy fell over me and I ran out of my room and down the stairs, sprinting out the door and down to the alley.

"Cas!" I yelled after him, "Hey, stranger! Cas!"

He stopped, letting me catch up, as if he expected this to happen. He turned to me with a cold, blank stare, "What do you want?"

No 'hello Dean'? "I want to apologize?" That seemed right. Apologize. That's what I'm supposed to do, right?

"I miss you," I continued when he looked at me expectantly, "I want you back in my arms."

"You mean back in your bed," he stared at me with a glare like broken glass, "I'm not buyin' it."

"I said arms!" I yelled accidentally, tired of his accusations. Why can't he see I love him?

"You meant bed," he gave me a disgusted snort, "I'm just a sex slave to you. You won't say you love me 'cause you don't. You're just a jackass. Goodbye, Dean."

With that, he stalked off. Goodbye Dean? I'm not used to that. I felt tears sting my eyes, but I blinked them away. Dean Winchester doesn't cry. I'll get over him someday.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'll die before that happens, won't I?

Bloody Hell, Castiel.

**Short chapter oops

This chapter and the next are FILLERS sry ~•~

SO CLOSE to an apology! Damnit Cas!! wuhahahhahahahha

So the picture...I LOVE YOU GUYS! (yes, that's Misha Collins. I saved you the trouble of asking.)

What do we say?? D-D-DA-DAN...

Anyway, today is MONDAY!
Today's #ManCrushMonday is: Matt Smith (Christopher Isherwood - Christopher and His Kind)
YES I know he's also from Doctor Who, don't flip...but I really liked him in C&HK and that's less obvious so there you go.

So y'all are my Neon Lighters! (yes, that's what I call the small group of Llama Crusaders who are also Neon Lights fans). SINCE 2014 IS ALMOST OVER, CAN WE SPREAD LIGHTERS PRIDE? Go on Insta and post something hashtagging one or both of these:

#LightersPride2014
#GarnentsNeonLighters2014

Idk just another one of my stupid ideas. Maybe it comes from my dreams of being Internet famous? (which ik is never going to happen.)

OKAY we've almost got 11K reads! So, I owe you a DANKE GUYS!

Song: "Call Me" by Shinedown

[ story time ] It's so strange - I'm an athiest, (sorry, no offense to believers) so I'm usually not that into really God/Jesus-centred Christmas carols. I like ones about the holidays, and festive things...but the carol "We Three Kings" is one exception and I don't know why. It's just a beautiful song ok.

Well that was random. Remember, y'all just keep being y'all! love yooouuuss! x

xoxo, Garnent•.•**