Neon Lights

Chapter 52 - Volcano

•Castiel's POV•
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January 4, 1969
6:58 p.m.
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Noon tomorrow.

That's when mom and dad go back to Paris. For a while I considered going with them, but I can't leave Dean. If I was that far away from him for more than 24 hours, I think I'd keel over and die on the spot.

But how can I face Michael's wrath? You'd think he'd go easy on me, considering I'm almost at my ultimate deadline, but I don't think he remembers. That was almost 19 years ago.

I feel like if he starts yelling at me, I'll freak out...my heart will start beating fast, and well, you know what happens then.

"Cassie-wassie!" Gabriel sang from the doorway, "Ya been in here all day! Get outta bed, you bub!"

I groaned into my pillow, "Go away."

"Castiel," Gabe got serious, "I know what this is. I told you not to get too attached to anyone right now...you'll break the poor guy's heart."

I chuckled, "Irony."

Gabe glared at me. "This isn't a joke, Cas. Whether you two are dating or not, I don't know and it doesn't matter anyway," his voice was strained with worry, which scared me more than anything, "Cas, not to be direct, but you could literally drop dead at any moment. Dean will be so upset you never told him!"

"You think that isn't already on my mind?!" I yelled, tears in my eyes, "You think that isn't what stresses me out, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week?! I just don't know how to tell him! I know I shouldn't have gotten attached but it just happened!"

"All right, Cas. Calm down."

"It's not that easy, Gabriel!" I nearly screamed, "The only one I ever truly loved and vice versa! I'll lose him! He'll never be the same! His life will crumble because of me, you think I want that?!"

Gabe was struck silent. My face dropped into my pillow and soaked it with tears. So much going on right now - Meg's pregnancy, Michael's inevitable outbreak, my inevitable ending...it's all too much.

"Why'd you have to bring it up, Gabe?" I asked quietly, "You know I hate thinking about it, yet I do all the time. I don't need to break my throat in half yelling about it too, I don't need that and now my fucking heart rate is up!"

"Castiel, calm the fuck down!" Gabriel almost yelled at me, "That isn't helping! Just because your pulse is running faster than normal does not mean it's happening!"

"But it could cause it!" I sobbed grossly, fat tears running down my cheeks, my whole forehead red, "An accelerated heart rate could cause it!"

Gabe sighed, "Believe me, you know as well as I."

I took several shuddering breaths, calming down - or trying to. Calm down or die trying, that's my motto nowadays. Fits, huh?

I sat in a pool of tossed-around blankets, misshapen pillows, and tear-soaked bedsheets. Flustered footsteps came rapidly up the stairs, and mom burst in.

"I heard screaming!" She hollered, "Is he okay? Did something...happen?"

"No," I sighed, "I'm fine, for now."

Mom's tense shoulders sagged, "Christ, don't scare me like that."

Gabriel grabbed mom's arm, "C'mon. Cas needs some time."

Slowly, my head wrapped around a few facts: Gabriel knows about me and Dean, mom still cares, Gabe actually remembers, and I'm going to die.